Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Mummies vs Non Mummies

Last Sunday my lovely friend Simone invited all the girls over to her flat in Scarborough, which is like Perth's version of Bondi.

We had a beautiful breakfast and champers and orange while overlooking the Indian Ocean. I have been friends with these group of girls since I was 17. We all met in Karratha which is a country town in north west of WA and where my dad was transferred in my final year of school. Everyone moved back to Perth after a few years and are now settled there, except for me.

I guess the breakfast was a catch up for everyone due to me being in town and a chance for them all to meet Liam.

One of my friends, Maree, was a girl I shared a flat with before I moved to London. Maree and I could tell you stories that would make your hair curl. We were notorious party animals in our twenties and we still share a nice bond from that time. The difference is Maree is married and does not want children. I have just had Liam.

Maree, Simone and I went on a girls night the previous Friday. We had a fantastic time, but I could see Maree was having a bit of trouble getting her head around the fact that I am now a mum. When I went over to her house that night she said 'Jo, you look so nice tonight and not like someone who has just had a baby...most mums I know look like shit'. I DID make an effort that night, but most of the time, I do look like shit when I am schleping around with Liam in cargos and thongs with no make up on. I just don't have the time to spend hours in front of the mirror.

All the girls that attended the brekkie are mum's. The exception is Maree and Simone, who just had her divorce finalised. The conversation around the brekkie table consisted of:

* Huggies vs Baby Love
* C Sections vs Vaginal Birth
* Four bedroom homes vs three bedroom homes
* Naughty corner vs time out
* Private birth vs Public birth

Now I love to talk about bubba's at the best of times. But I could see that Maree and Simone were getting annoyed. I tried to change the conversation a few times so that we could talk about something else, but the conversation would find its way back to babies. I wondered if Maree and Simone could see that even though I was a mum, I was thinking of them and that there were other things to talk about. Unfortunately they were silent and Maree left pretty early.

It got me friendships change after you have babies? Maree got grilled at breakfast on her choice not to have children. I think that's why she left.

I like to think that being a mummy is a big part of who I am and also something I waited a long time for, so I want to embrace everything about it. But I wonder if I talk on the phone to my two non-mummy friends about Liam, are they going to get bored and will our friendships change?

It saddened me that this was the first proper catch up everyone had been to for the past 6 months! I know kids and life keep us busy...but keeping your friendships alive and working on them, despite what different life changes you go through are SO important too.

For what its worth, I love my non mummy friends. When I saw them Friday night, it was just the three of us and I was just Jo...kinda like the old times.


Belinda said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Belinda said...

Yes, sadly friendships do change.

I had Jazz quite young at 23, at that stage most of my friends were not even contemplating parenthood. I made new friends with babies but I did miss my old friends from whom I drifted apart.

Now that we are in our early-mid 30's all those girls are having their babies and my "baby" is almost 12 years old so again we don't have much in common.

It is hard.

(ps sorry about the deleted post, I was writing it and then changed my mind and re-worded it, but then it sounded crap - why the hell can't we edit posts on here like on forums?)