Friday, June 19, 2009

Ho hum

This week has been an average week. I hate saying the word 'average'. Every day is a new blessing.

The weather has been pretty crappy so me and Liam have been a bit housebound and haven't managed to get too far. We've been doing lots of things at home together. I've been cooking a bit more and managed to make my first successful risotto.

My mum called me last night and her and dad are making a trip to Sydney at the end of July to stay with us for a week. We are going to go to the Hunter Valley for a weekend as well so I am trying to find a house or cottage for us all to stay in.

I think I have been a bit frustrated this week. Frustrated with money. Frustrated at things not moving forward as quickly as I want them to. Read: impatience on my part. Richard comes home every night and I can tell he is pretty much over the two trains and bus he has to catch to work each day. And in shitty weather.

And don't ask me why...but I have started thinking about Liam's birth and that first month. I haven't thought about it for about 6 months and for some reason its been flooding back into my mind again. About how scared I felt when I was getting stitched up after my c section. How I couldn't stop shaking and wanted to rip every tube out of me. My mum was waiting outside and Richard had taken Liam out to show her. For some reason I couldn't work out why I was alone on an operating table and I couldn't speak. I just felt trapped.

Sometimes I wonder if I am doing everything right. Am I a good mum and a good wife? I look at Liam and I see him smiling and eating and playing and I know he's happy. The way he has enriched our lives has been tenfold. Its such a MASSIVE change that first year I think. On you and your marriage.

I don't think anyone can estimate how much of a life change it is.

1 comment:

Danielle said...

You're so right Joanna, you really can't imagine what a life change it is until you experience it. My relationship with my husband has taken a back seat and a beating and it's only now that my girls are 10 months old that we have the energy to try and be civil to each other. We've been so exhausted until now. I'm hope it will all fall into place for you soon.