Monday, July 27, 2009

White feather

I found a white feather in Liam's room on the weekend.

I didn't really think about it when I picked it up. I remember I found it next to his nappy bin when I was tidying up and I put it in the bin. While I was out walking today I thought about it again.

White feathers mean something don't they? That someone is looking out for Liam or maybe us?

I had a look on google and it means we have an angel or loved one around us.

Which is nice to know because I feel like we are going through the ringer right now with all sorts of things. Just life stuff you know.

Its lovely when life throws you a sign.

Always keep your eyes wide open I say.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

A Wee Wayne

Yesterday I picked up Richard's cousin from Ireland Laura and her friend Sian. They are on a one year working visa in Australia and are living in Melbourne. They are in Sydney for the week.

Laura and Sian live in Buncrana in Donegal which is in Ireland. They have Northern Irish accents but Donegal isn't in Northern Ireland.

Laura is a hoot. She's really loud and she loves kids. If they were living in Sydney I'd be tempted to hire her as a nanny so I could get some extra money for my family by going back to work. Liam was fascinated by her as she recounted various drunk stories on her travels and tales from back home.

Buncrana is a tiny little village and I've been there once. I love it. I could happily live there on a farm and pop out babies while Richard tended to the land. Of course this is my romanticised view of it all and its actually pretty hard work. So, for Laura and her friend to come over to Australia makes me really proud of them. What an adventure for them.

All night she kept telling me how she couldn't wait to have 'wee Wayne's'. Or how all of her friends back home had four 'wee Wayne's' under the age of three because 'ye pop em out really quickly ye see Jo'.

Richard drove them back to their hostel in Bondi at 9pm. When he got home I said to him 'what is a Wee Wayne Rich?'.

He said to me that they meant 'little one' or a 'wee un (little 'one').

The way they pronounced it I was thinking everyone in Ireland was naming their kids Wayne.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Boys will be boys

My little man is such a rough and tumble kinda fella. He's never been particularly delicate. Well maybe for those first three months...but he loves it when we get right in there and start blowing on his belly or scratch his back.

I can see I am going to have my work cut out for me when he starts moving.

I love this little movie Rich shot of me and Liam last week when he got home from work and we had some playtime on the bed.


Wednesday, July 15, 2009

A mummy friend

Yesterday Liam and I met up with Winnie and Hayden. Winnie is a mum I met at the Early Childhood Centre last week and Hayden is her too-cute-of-a-button 5 month old little girl.

We both live in Zetland and there is a big park in the middle of our suburb. We met up there, had a hot chocolate and fudge slice at the local cafe and then took the kids for a couple of laps around Zetland.

We discussed all sorts of things mummy-related and it was really lovely to kill some time between that 3-5pm window of time when Liam starts to get really challenging.

Its so nice to talk to other mum's who 'just get it'. My friends in Sydney don't have children and I find I keep a lid on baby talk. I think to myself 'do they really want to hear it?'. So I keep my mouth shut for fear of boring them. Which is probably very silly because Liam is my focus and my life and why shouldn't I talk about him?

So, we had a really lovely afternoon.

Last night at 8.30pm, Liam woke up SCREAMING. It took about half an hour for me and Rich to calm him down. Its so frustrating not knowing what is wrong. His temperature was fine. He was nice and warm, but not too warm if you know what I mean. I ended up feeding him and he gulped down his bottle. He had a really big dinner and his 6.30pm milk feed, so I found it strange he was hungry again, but so be it. He went down without a problem after his second bottle.

Poor little mite, I think we are definitely heading for teeth territory right now.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Passport photo's

Who knew the ordeal in trying to take a good headshot satisfactory for the Department of Immigration when you have a 7 month old.

It took two of us to finally get the right shot..and it was the only one where he wasn't smiling. But it did the job and the application is now ready for next week.

Passport photo's.

Pink toes

On the weekend I went to Bondi Junction Westfields and had four hours to myself while Rich took care of Liam.

I got my toenails done. I tried on dressed in DJ's. I sat in Borders for an hour with a hot chocolate and a trashy mag.

It was bliss.

Now, when I look down at my pink toes, I think about how good it felt to have some time out.

Everyone needs some time to themselves.

Thursday, July 9, 2009


Yesterday I cried for the whole day.

Liam was having his morning nap. I needed someone to talk to. I needed to offload. My mum was at work and had her mobile turned off. Richard was in a meeting and couldn't be contacted.

So I called Lifeline.

I spoke to a beautiful lady called Emma. Like me, she is a mum and when I blurted out what was wrong, she immediately understood.

I have never called Lifeline before, but in my state yesterday, I felt desperate. Not suicide desperate, but so emotionally exhausted desperate that it was the first number I was able to find.

Little did I know there is also a Parenting line I could have called, but I didn't know that. I was just glad that I spoke to someone like Emma.

I know I don't have PND. I eat well, I sleep well and can see the funny side of life. Liam is a brilliant baby and I love him to pieces. It boils down to having absolutely no support network whatsover.

Even if you are a single parent and don't have a partner, or you are married, everyone needs a support network.

So today, I went off in search of one.

I went to the Early Childhood clinic at Randwick. On Thursday afternoons they cover a series of topics for older babies. I got chatting to a lovely girl next to me called Winnie. Unbelievably, she lives one street back from me. She said she'd love to catch up for a pram walk and a coffee.

Isn't it funny that when you get out there and make things happen, life looks up again.

What I've realised, 7 months on, is that I am grieving my old life and find it difficult to ask for help. I make sure Liam and Richard are happy first. I put myself last, like I suspect most mothers do.

My lesson is to still take care of me. I'm in there somewhere, but I've been a bit lost. And I'm sure with my new found positivity I'll find myself again soon.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

A Dream

Last night I dreamt I was pregnant and about to give birth.

I was in an operating theatre with Liam and Richard by my side. I had a green sheet draped across my huge belly and my legs were in stirrups. I was being told to push. In my dream Liam was a newborn. Richard was crying. While I was pushing, he said to me 'how are we going to manage two little babies?'.

I must admit I woke up with a start and was breathing really quickly! I ran into Liam's room to check to see he was ok. My big boofa of a seven month old was snoring his head off.

I don't know why I had this dream. Maybe its because I've been asked about 20 million times this week when I am planning to have number two. Hello? I haven't even got through the first year yet. I haven't experienced teething or crawling or walking or toddler tantrums.

Some days I wonder if I will want to have more children. Richard and I talk about it a lot and we do want two. I think he would love three.

I would like an age gap of 2-3 years. I don't want to have my babies close together, but I'm dealing with Mother Nature here. She doesn't care what your plans are and I'm nearing 35.

I don't want to wish away Liam's first year, but I think when he turns one, I will feel a relief. A celebration that we made it. We came out alive.

Motherhood is HARD. Harder than I expected. But more wonderful and beautiful and joyus than I ever imagined. So many extremes in one day.

Would I change it? Not for a second.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Freaking freezing

Jesus its cold this morning.

Liam had hands like blocks of ice this morning, despite wearing MITTENS to bed. I don't think I could have rugged him up anymore, but it looks like I am going to have to try harder tonight.

And if anyone can point an oil column heater in my direction I'd be very happy - I can't find one anywhere.

We had a nice weekend. A lovely walk around Centennial Park yesterday. It was such a beautiful day and there were kids galore.

Something is missing right now and its becoming more and more apparent each day. I am MISSING my family so much. Somedays I wonder if we will ever get to December. Me being the extremely impatient person that I am, I want it to happen now. But, mum and dad will be here soon in 22 days (not that I am counting!) and it'll be so lovely.

I remember when I was pregnant someone said to me 'you'll miss your mum so much when you have your baby'. I remember thinking I'd be fine, but I'm not. Its silly isn't it? I'm a mum now and a wife and I have my little boy and my husband and I should be standing on my own two independent adult feet, but I am still craving that reassurance and company of my mum.

Somedays I think about what it was like for my own mum not having her mum around when I was born. That must have been so tough for her.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Tag you're it

I've been tagged by my lovely mate Sarah. Sarah, I will call you soon, I promise!

While flicking through some photo's on my laptop, I stumbled across some random shots from our wedding. I like these two, because when they were taken I had no idea we were being photographed and they have captured some special moments between us when we became husband and wife.

I remember hugging Richard towards the end of the night when the last song came on which was 'I've had the time of my life'. I normally hate that song, but at the end of our wedding day, I remember thinking how perfect that song was, because I did have the best day of my life.

The second photo is of us dancing to our bridal waltz. We didn't actually waltz, we shuffled around the dancefloor and grinned ridiculously at each other. The song was by The Beatles 'In my life'. I remember dancing with my new husband and singing to him 'In my life I love you more'. I still sing it to him and I sing it to Liam when I am trying to get him to sleep.

Ah love. Its the best...