Wednesday, July 8, 2009

A Dream

Last night I dreamt I was pregnant and about to give birth.

I was in an operating theatre with Liam and Richard by my side. I had a green sheet draped across my huge belly and my legs were in stirrups. I was being told to push. In my dream Liam was a newborn. Richard was crying. While I was pushing, he said to me 'how are we going to manage two little babies?'.

I must admit I woke up with a start and was breathing really quickly! I ran into Liam's room to check to see he was ok. My big boofa of a seven month old was snoring his head off.

I don't know why I had this dream. Maybe its because I've been asked about 20 million times this week when I am planning to have number two. Hello? I haven't even got through the first year yet. I haven't experienced teething or crawling or walking or toddler tantrums.

Some days I wonder if I will want to have more children. Richard and I talk about it a lot and we do want two. I think he would love three.

I would like an age gap of 2-3 years. I don't want to have my babies close together, but I'm dealing with Mother Nature here. She doesn't care what your plans are and I'm nearing 35.

I don't want to wish away Liam's first year, but I think when he turns one, I will feel a relief. A celebration that we made it. We came out alive.

Motherhood is HARD. Harder than I expected. But more wonderful and beautiful and joyus than I ever imagined. So many extremes in one day.

Would I change it? Not for a second.

4 comments:

Danielle said...

Definitely sounds like its the whole baby topic poking around in your head.

It's such a personal choice isn't it.

We had a BIG gab between our kids and Effie had just turned 4 when Josceline arrived.

After Josceline arrived we talked about more babies, were we done, did we feel finished. We started ttc around the one year mark and #3 just hasn't happened for us. Maybe its meant to be, maybe were just suppose to have children with big gaps.

But like I said..it's totally personal. Some people love having their kids close together, sometimes on top of each other. I just couldn't do it, I'm not built that way, I need time to recover.

Amy said...

Yeah its funny isn't how the thought of another bub sort of weighs on you even when your first is still a bub!

My hubby has been pushing for another bub since Elka was 6 months. Like Danielle, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't handle the thought of being pregnant again so soon or trying to juggle two very little ones... (of course each to their own - its just not for me)

I did feel relief when Elka turned one! We had made it :)

Your post really made sense to me xoxo

Simone said...

are you sure your not pregnant. i have often had dreams about people being pregnant and they end up falling pregnant not long after.

Amanda said...

Your exactly right - Mother Nature doesnt care what you plan! My beautiful baby girl is 13 months old and im due with our baby boy in 5 weeks! Neither of them were planned and baby boy certainly wasnt planned this close to Miss Muffet. But! I wouldnt change it for the world! When Madie was 6 months old people were asking "Whens the next one" and were shocked that YES hes on his way - LOL Then dont ask!