Wednesday, July 8, 2009

A Dream

Last night I dreamt I was pregnant and about to give birth.

I was in an operating theatre with Liam and Richard by my side. I had a green sheet draped across my huge belly and my legs were in stirrups. I was being told to push. In my dream Liam was a newborn. Richard was crying. While I was pushing, he said to me 'how are we going to manage two little babies?'.

I must admit I woke up with a start and was breathing really quickly! I ran into Liam's room to check to see he was ok. My big boofa of a seven month old was snoring his head off.

I don't know why I had this dream. Maybe its because I've been asked about 20 million times this week when I am planning to have number two. Hello? I haven't even got through the first year yet. I haven't experienced teething or crawling or walking or toddler tantrums.

Some days I wonder if I will want to have more children. Richard and I talk about it a lot and we do want two. I think he would love three.

I would like an age gap of 2-3 years. I don't want to have my babies close together, but I'm dealing with Mother Nature here. She doesn't care what your plans are and I'm nearing 35.

I don't want to wish away Liam's first year, but I think when he turns one, I will feel a relief. A celebration that we made it. We came out alive.

Motherhood is HARD. Harder than I expected. But more wonderful and beautiful and joyus than I ever imagined. So many extremes in one day.

Would I change it? Not for a second.


Danielle said...

Definitely sounds like its the whole baby topic poking around in your head.

It's such a personal choice isn't it.

We had a BIG gab between our kids and Effie had just turned 4 when Josceline arrived.

After Josceline arrived we talked about more babies, were we done, did we feel finished. We started ttc around the one year mark and #3 just hasn't happened for us. Maybe its meant to be, maybe were just suppose to have children with big gaps.

But like I's totally personal. Some people love having their kids close together, sometimes on top of each other. I just couldn't do it, I'm not built that way, I need time to recover.

Amy said...

Yeah its funny isn't how the thought of another bub sort of weighs on you even when your first is still a bub!

My hubby has been pushing for another bub since Elka was 6 months. Like Danielle, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't handle the thought of being pregnant again so soon or trying to juggle two very little ones... (of course each to their own - its just not for me)

I did feel relief when Elka turned one! We had made it :)

Your post really made sense to me xoxo

Simone said...

are you sure your not pregnant. i have often had dreams about people being pregnant and they end up falling pregnant not long after.

Amanda said...

Your exactly right - Mother Nature doesnt care what you plan! My beautiful baby girl is 13 months old and im due with our baby boy in 5 weeks! Neither of them were planned and baby boy certainly wasnt planned this close to Miss Muffet. But! I wouldnt change it for the world! When Madie was 6 months old people were asking "Whens the next one" and were shocked that YES hes on his way - LOL Then dont ask!