Thursday, July 9, 2009

Yesterday



Yesterday I cried for the whole day.

Liam was having his morning nap. I needed someone to talk to. I needed to offload. My mum was at work and had her mobile turned off. Richard was in a meeting and couldn't be contacted.

So I called Lifeline.

I spoke to a beautiful lady called Emma. Like me, she is a mum and when I blurted out what was wrong, she immediately understood.

I have never called Lifeline before, but in my state yesterday, I felt desperate. Not suicide desperate, but so emotionally exhausted desperate that it was the first number I was able to find.

Little did I know there is also a Parenting line I could have called, but I didn't know that. I was just glad that I spoke to someone like Emma.

I know I don't have PND. I eat well, I sleep well and can see the funny side of life. Liam is a brilliant baby and I love him to pieces. It boils down to having absolutely no support network whatsover.

Even if you are a single parent and don't have a partner, or you are married, everyone needs a support network.

So today, I went off in search of one.

I went to the Early Childhood clinic at Randwick. On Thursday afternoons they cover a series of topics for older babies. I got chatting to a lovely girl next to me called Winnie. Unbelievably, she lives one street back from me. She said she'd love to catch up for a pram walk and a coffee.

Isn't it funny that when you get out there and make things happen, life looks up again.

What I've realised, 7 months on, is that I am grieving my old life and find it difficult to ask for help. I make sure Liam and Richard are happy first. I put myself last, like I suspect most mothers do.

My lesson is to still take care of me. I'm in there somewhere, but I've been a bit lost. And I'm sure with my new found positivity I'll find myself again soon.

4 comments:

***Amy*** said...

Here's to putting you first!

You are a fantastic mother, and you deserve to take a break and get the best out of life. Your family will be all the better for a well rested you.

And a special hooray to Emma & the lovely people at Lifeline

***Amy*** said...

Meanwhile, the more i think about it, well done on admitting you were struggling and telephoned for help. It takes incredible strength to do that...i'm not sure i could. I admire you for it.

Anonymous said...

I just came across your blog. It take a lot to be honest, you have taken a big step forward by starting to reach out. A mothers group might also be a great way to interact, chat and feel that you are not alone, because you are not. Good luck! x

Danielle said...

Taking care of yourself is SO important. Well done for getting out there and finding new friends xx