Friday, August 28, 2009

Mad hair

Liam has always had a good head of hair. My hair is rather thick, so he's inherited his thickness from me but the colour from his dad.

What we didn't expect was the mad curls. We just love them. When he was younger I was obsessed with brushing his hair every five minutes and parting it, but now that its sprung curls I just brush it after his bath and let it do whatever it has to do.

I am sure when we go back to London in two weeks my parents in law will say we should cut it. They really want to see him have his first hair cut, but Rich and me want to grow it longer, like our favourite child character Ben from the comedy on UKTV Outnumbered.

Everywhere we go, Liam gets lots of compliments about his hair. He's such a cutie and I reckon it makes him look like a proper boy.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Babies babies everywhere

Over the weekend two friends of mine had their first child.

Last night we let Liam stay up a little later and we went to The Royal in Randwick to see little newborn Kaja.

It felt so surreal to walk into the Paddington ward, nearly nine months after having Liam. As soon as we walked out of the lift Richard and me were hit with the smell of the hospital food and we looked at each other and said 'remember that smell?'.

We saw little Kaja and congratulated her parents Matt and Julie. They were just so pleased. It was beautiful to watch them with their first daughter. You forget how small newborns are and how good they smell. Liam was sitting on the bed saying 'dad, dad, dad' and it made me teary to remember he was once that small.

I thought my cluckiness had disappeared, but holding Kaja, I remember how addictive newborns can be. I'd love a second child, but not for a while yet, maybe another 2-3 years or so.

Babies are such a blessing and driving home from the hospital it made me feel good that my little family has come so far, despite the ups and downs along the way.

Friday, August 21, 2009

What Tricia said next reading arrived. I asked about lots of things, money, career, family, my inlaws, our move to Perth and whether we would buy a home soon. Overall I am pretty pleased with it.

Hi Joanna,

The first thing I am seeing around you today is in the area of finance, I can see that you have had some hard times with your finances in the recent past, and I do not feel as though they're going to improve a great deal for a while ahead. Don't worry in the long term these early years are going to be the most difficult for you as you find a base for your family.

It is particularly hard when you have had less income and more expense with your little one but overall in the future things will settle down for you and you will be able to feel more comfortable financially.

It is not as if it's going to get really easy really quickly, it is just a time where you are growing slowly.

Be very careful with your spending this is where you need to take note. Buy only what is necessary and keep this as your mantra for at least the next two years.

I do feel that the move to Perth is available to you that you will definitely have to be very stringent with your money between now and then for it to come to pass that the time that you hope.

There will be delays if you are not very careful.

Although I do see that you will most definitely move to Perth.

Now in regard to your career, you really do not need to be focusing on a direct career path yourself at this time. When I talk about career I mean, a job where it is a direct chosen career. What you need to be thinking about Ian this means to an end for now. This means that you need to be looking at work that will bring you in the income that is necessary for you to do what you want to do with your family for the future. Not everyone needs to be focused on a career. You will find during your life that there are going to be a lot of other things that are going to be more important to you than you a job.

You are not showing to me to be in the right time of your life to be focusing on career. You are a good mother and this is your career for now. And it is the best to career you will ever have.

In regard to buying your own home in Perth, you will most definitely do this in the long run but I do not see this as a short-term goal at this time, but most certainly put it on your list of long term goals as it will gradually appear to be much easier to you to attain this over time.

Not everything that is good in life comes really quickly to you, so you will find that if you relax seat your goals the time ahead that you are not so stressed.

I can see around you that you are stressed over money and stressed that are trying to retain things that the future. Time to put yourself back and think about the simple things in life because this is where the love is and this is a good place to be.

Don’t let the stresses of everyday life interfere with your good relationship that you have with your partner. Stop and look around you and you will understand that you have all you need with your family at this time to have a good life.

As a matter of interest I can see that you are very privileged with that partnership that you have and the love that is around you. So take stock or where you are, it is important to run some parallels.

As I look around your husband's parents in the UK I can see that they have problems that have been around for a very long time. Of course are not going to sort out their problems. In really twisted way, I don't think they want to because they have come to the point their life where it is habitual filling to have these issues. The way to deal with these people is to understand that you do not have to please them. You have a type of nature that wants to be pleasing and accepted, but first you must understand that nothing you can do will make these people happy. They are habitually unhappy.

So stop trying to please and make them happy, just be yourself, ignore their behaviour and go on as you would at home. Don’t around these people because they are so involved with their own issues and so self obsessed that they do not even take the time to think about you or their son most of the time.

Click them out of your mind, between now and when you arrive at their front door. When you are closing in on them imagine a white light surrounding you that is protective of your sensitive nature, imagine that they can’t penetrate it. Then you will see a change in them. Keep your protective light when you are in their company. It will make a lot of difference. But most of all remember that you do not need to impress these people at all. As a matter-of-fact, they should be impressing you. So head up, protective light in place and enjoy your holiday.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Pick a suburb and explore

The thing I suspect about most big cities is that if you are a local, you tend to stick to your own suburb or area.
Richard and I realised there are some suburbs in Sydney that we don't spend enough time in. So we've introduced 'Explore Sydney Sundays'.
Each Sunday we take turns picking a suburb and we spend a Sunday in it. We might have a picnic in the park, or a beer at a kid friendly pub and check it out.
Last Sunday we went to Balmain. We love Balmain. Right next to the water, beautiful cafes and cute boutiques and gorgeous terraces. I love the Colgate & Palmolive apartment building.
Such a beautiful part of Sydney.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Tapping my feet impatiently

I haven't had an online psychic reading for a while, but last Wednesday I bought one on Ebay from Tricia.

For those of you who don't know Tricia, she's freakily accurate. I've had three email readings from her so far and everything she has said has been spot on.

She says it takes 7-10 days to come through and its now day 9. I've checked my email about 40 times today and still nothing.

One must be patient!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Small steps

Yesterday was a great day. In fact, I think it was the first day in about 4 weeks where I haven't cried. I don't know whether this has co-incided with me taking my medication for the first time yesterday or the fact that I finally asked for help. I'm not going to analyse it too much. It was just a good day and I felt calm. And rational.

I took Liam up to see Richard at work in Chatswood. Richard was so proud showing him off to everyone at work. I made sure Liam looked his best and he had on baggy jeans, his orange shirt and his white and black adidas trainers. He was a hit with all of Richard's work colleagues. I knew when I left Richard really appreciated us coming up to see him.

I also met up with my friend Viv at the shopping centre. We used to work together and as an older mum, she had plenty of advice for me. It was so good to see her again and see how well her little boy is. He's two weeks older than Liam.

On the way home I was feeding Liam his banana on the train and I felt something sharp. His first tooth! I felt so happy and wanted to shout it out to all the people on the train. I smiled at him and told him I was so proud of him and then he waved at me. I've been trying to teach him for ages and it just happened.

It was then that I realised that these are the moments that really make all the hard times worth it. I wasn't thinking about all the problems we've had with money or with my inlaws. It was all about being in the 'moment' and just being truly happy and proud of my little boy.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Last night I was in bed reading the latest Practical Parenting magazine.

I read an article about a couple who had triplets prematurely and who lost them. Reading the story made me cry. I felt so, so sad for them. I think when you become a mother and you read something like that, you imagine how you would feel. My heart just broke for them.

Reading the story, I recognised the names of the parents and a conversation I recalled having with my had when they were over last week. The dad, Ash, was a family friend. Dad used to take us to the footy as kids and dad's mate Steve had two kids...Ashley and Steven.

Dad had told me the story of what had happened and when I got to the end of the story in the magazine I realised who I was reading about. I woke Richard up and got him to read the story.

This morning, I still can't help thinking about what this couple went through. I don't think I realise how lucky I am and how many blessings I have. What is even more inspiring is that the couple had another son and hold a half marathon each year to raise money for the Royal Womens in Randwick for the special care nursery.

I've decided today I'm going to get in touch with our family friend to donate money to the cause and enquire about the half marathon next year.

Hug your babies close today xx

Sunday, August 9, 2009

You take a walk....

This morning I suggested to my little family that we do the Coogee to Bondi walk. I'd pack a big picnic and we could all get sweaty walking those big stairs along the coast with a stroller, baby and the ten million things you need to pack when you go out for the day.

In an effort to keep encouraging the 'feel good cells' buzzing around in my brain, exercise seemed like the perfect answer.

Richard and I used to do this walk nearly every weekend before we had Liam and this was the first time we attempted it with him. We parked the car in Coogee and headed off.

The plan was to walk to Bondi and walk back. We had a picnic at Clovelly beach and showed Liam the beautiful sunshine and water. Two little boys even bought over a pet rabbit for him to pet and I took him around the playground. We just got past the bowling club in Clovelly when we stumbled on the graveyard overlooking the ocean and realised all the regeneration work was going to be too hard to navigate with the stroller and we got trapped in the graveyard instead.

Walking through the graveyard it got me thinking about life and death. We are a long time dead. We are a short time living. I have a beautiful husband and son...everything that I have ever wanted. For whatever reason, my brain feels numb to it. I've just got to KICK THIS FOG IN MY BRAIN. It just has to go you know?

We made our way out of the graveyard. We take a scenic walk around all the quiet streets in Clovelly and made our way back to Coogee. We went to the pub and fed Liam and had a drink. I smiled at my two beautiful boys, looking at me with their big blue eyes. Tears fall down my face. One minute I'm up, the next I am down. This rollercoaster has to stop.

Its time to get better. And I know I will.

Friday, August 7, 2009

I'm back

Yes, I know its been quiet here.

There is a reason for it.

I've had my parents over from Perth for the last week and they went home on Wednesday.

I've also been spending a bit of time at the GP as well.

This week I was diagnosed with Post Natal Depression. To type those words is so very hard for me. I always felt that I coped well with everything that life threw at me, but I think some things have been too much this year and I needed to ask for help.

And I did, so I am proud of me.

I think the best thing to come out of this is that I will get better. There is light for me. And I remain hopeful that I'm strong enough to get excited about life again.

Its been such a confusing time, dealing with this Jeykll and Hyde personality that has invaded me over the past few months. I knew deep down something was just not right. It was so hard to put my finger on it.

Anyway. There it is now. In black and white. There is a certain amount of relief that I've asked for help. And that I am surrounded by so many beautiful people in my life that want to help.