Sunday, August 9, 2009

You take a walk....

This morning I suggested to my little family that we do the Coogee to Bondi walk. I'd pack a big picnic and we could all get sweaty walking those big stairs along the coast with a stroller, baby and the ten million things you need to pack when you go out for the day.

In an effort to keep encouraging the 'feel good cells' buzzing around in my brain, exercise seemed like the perfect answer.

Richard and I used to do this walk nearly every weekend before we had Liam and this was the first time we attempted it with him. We parked the car in Coogee and headed off.

The plan was to walk to Bondi and walk back. We had a picnic at Clovelly beach and showed Liam the beautiful sunshine and water. Two little boys even bought over a pet rabbit for him to pet and I took him around the playground. We just got past the bowling club in Clovelly when we stumbled on the graveyard overlooking the ocean and realised all the regeneration work was going to be too hard to navigate with the stroller and we got trapped in the graveyard instead.

Walking through the graveyard it got me thinking about life and death. We are a long time dead. We are a short time living. I have a beautiful husband and son...everything that I have ever wanted. For whatever reason, my brain feels numb to it. I've just got to KICK THIS FOG IN MY BRAIN. It just has to go you know?

We made our way out of the graveyard. We take a scenic walk around all the quiet streets in Clovelly and made our way back to Coogee. We went to the pub and fed Liam and had a drink. I smiled at my two beautiful boys, looking at me with their big blue eyes. Tears fall down my face. One minute I'm up, the next I am down. This rollercoaster has to stop.

Its time to get better. And I know I will.


Chantelle said...

I am sorry to hear that you have been having a difficult time Jo.

You will get better, there is no doubt about it.

I am thinking of you. xx

Jen said...

You know something? The very fact that you can recognise those things is a good thing. A really good thing. You will get there. Truly. Thanks for coming back to blogland.

Leesa said...

Just wanted to say that I have been thinking of you and I know you will get to the bottom of this. You are so strong and I thank you for sharing this journey with us.