Saturday, February 13, 2010

Tears tears and more tears..

Ok, I profess to not being perfect. Because I am not.

For the last four weeks I have been slaving away at my new job. I've been making a real effort. So much so that I feel that I have been neglecting other things in my life which are important.

I had my interview for my permanent role yesterday morning. They are a huge company and I think I am on a massive, steep learning curve. Maybe I have taken on too much, I really don't know.

Last night as I was just about to leave, my supervisor called me for a chat. She thinks I'm burning out and needs to sit down with me on Monday to discuss my workload. She doesn't want the quality of my work comprimised. And she said its just a job and I am a mother and there are all these things to consider.

I walked out the back of our building last night and broke down. I could not stop crying. And this morning I cannot stop crying.

How do I get the balance people?

I need to sit down tomorrow night and work it all out. Liam and Rich come first but I need to work. Its so freaking hard but I don't want to complain because I am so blessed with what I have.

Shit.

2 comments:

Cat said...

Hi Joanna. I'm a first time visitor and this is your first post I've read at that...and I feel so sad for you in a way that means I totally understand how you feel. That balance thing is the hardest thing EVER!

I call it the evil triangle cos to me it always feels like I only have one area of the "wife/mum/self (including work and actual "self")" properly under control. And you can bet your life that if one of them is "nailed" you feel awful about the fact you've been doing the bare minimum on the other 2.

I wish I, or someone I knew, had the answer to this balance thing but alas, it isn't so.

What I can say is that there are millions of Mama's out there who know exactly how you feel.

I hope you're feeling better and how great that you have an organisation who has recognised the signs of burn-out and is willing to work with you on it. So many wouldn't be so caring. I don't think it a sign of weakness at all that the workload is too much to handle because it has been such a steep learning curve.

Sounds like you're doing a great job. I admire you a great deal indeed!

Much love,
Cat.
xo

Danielle said...

The only way I cope is by not working as hard as I did before the kids came along. I was a very hard worker but now I've just got too much on my plate. The work still gets done but perhaps not as fast as before. Sounds like you have a very understanding employer so I'm sure you'll be able to work something out with them.