You are nearly there Joanna

Retail Therapy

2010-11-27T01:45:00.004+11:00

I've been picking up some great bargains lately in my lunch breaks and with the introduction of Sunday shopping in Perth, hold me back! I'm all for things I can mix and match and this year for summer I intend on wearing lots of colour and dresses. I picked up the above for $9 each in the city and I can't stop wearing the dress with silver thongs and the pants with my sequined capelet and bright orange tank top.

Slack

2010-11-23T00:47:00.002+11:00

Its quite scary that two months has passed in a blink of the eye.

That's how long it has been since I last posted.

Not good, not good at all. Sorry!

I do have an excuse. There was the house move. And work, and Liam and a million other things going on.

We are in our new house now and we just love it. It was so exciting turning the key in our very own front door for the first time. It felt like a new chapter had started for us and was one of our 'big' moments. I still have to pinch myself when I come home from work each night that this is our own home. I'm sure we probably own the doorknob at this point, but hey, its something.

My inlaws arrive this Saturday. They are staying for two months and really wanted to be here for Liam's 2nd birthday in two weeks time and Xmas. To be honest I haven't thought about it too much but I will just try and go with the flow more.

I am up to my elbows in 2nd birthday party planning. My little man is growing so much. I can hardly believe it. Where did two years go?

All systems go...

2010-09-18T14:02:00.002+10:00

So, after an agonising wait and several trips to the church later, we got our finance approval and we settle on our new house on the 14th October!

Such a great feeling...we have worked so hard for this and its not been easy, but it was all worth it.

Now, we are in the middle of trying to lease out the rental. We had to break the lease and nearly every night for the past two weeks we have had people through. I think Richard and I would make a good husband and wife real estate team. Liam shows everyone his toys.

There have been some young couples through expecting their first baby, so I have a soft spot for them and hope they get it. This morning we had a home open and at least 30 people came through. I filled the place with flowers and made brownies for everyone, so I hoped the extra touches worked.

All of this has been pretty stressful. I can't wait till the three of us are in our own home watching Liam play in his garden while Richard and I have a well deserved drink.

The House - Part 2

2010-08-29T13:23:00.002+10:00

Ok, so we got the house! Squeal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The catch is we got the house subject to finance approval, so now we are waiting on that. I am going to church during my lunchbreaks to pray to a higher being for finance approval. Our broker said we should be fine, but of course, Richard and I will stress ourselves out until we know we have it.

As it all happened so quickly, we forgot that we are still in a lease which doesn't end till January. After repeated phone calls to our real estate agency, we need to find a new tenant and lose a bit of money, but we still don't know for sure if we have the house with the whole finance approval thing.

Rich and I don't make it easy for ourselves do we?

I am so excited but I am trying not to get too excited. I love this house sooooo much and I took a drive up to see it yesterday and it really is so perfect. I can't wait to live there.

Keep praying for us!

xxx

The House

2010-08-21T23:07:00.003+10:00

Oh my, what a crazy 48 hours it has been.

Today we offered on a house and tomorrow we go to write up the offer with the agent and will possibly find out if we are successful by the time we go back to work on Monday. I have not been able to sleep properly since 1am Friday morning.

An agent who I have been keeping in contact with emailed me about the house and we went and had a private viewing. When we turned into the street, I knew. When we pulled up into the driveway, I knew. When we walked through the front door I was gone. I think we've gone through about 50 houses in the last 7 months and I have never reacted this way to a house before. I love it, I want it and I will stamp my feet and cry if we don't get it.

One big balancing act...

2010-08-12T16:58:00.002+10:00

This has not been the best week. Last Sunday I went out with my parents and while putting Liam into his car seat I noticed he was starting to get the beginnings of conjunctivitis.

It seems that we go from one week of a slightly runny nose and some good sleep, to another week of gastro, or in this case, conjunctivitis, green snot and a constant, barking cough.

Liam's childcare centre is a lovely place and so many people tell me we are very lucky to get him in there, but I am starting to wish winter away and all these bugs he is picking up.

It makes me feel terribly guilty when I have to go to work and he is left with mum, or Richard, while we all take turns to stay at home to make him better.

This morning Liam was looking great, so we decided to chance childcare. I got a phone call just before lunch to pick him up, so now I am at home trying to get work done while he is having a nap.

Working full time is killing me, physically and emotionally. I love my job, but I feel awful leaving Liam each day. My boss has asked me if I have considered going part time and this is something I will be taking up very soon, depending on how big our mortgage will be.

Everyone at work has been so good about it, but I can feel myself get down by disappointing everyone and disappointing the most important person, Liam.

Some days I wish there was more of me to go around or more time in the day to get stuff done. Roll on this house purchase and I am crossing my fingers our mortgage is going to be manageable so I can spend a few more precious days each week having quality time with my little boy.

Single mamma

2010-08-07T22:41:00.003+10:00

Richard left to go to Melbourne and Sydney for work on Thursday, so it is me and Liam on our own for this weekend.

Is it strange that I got more done than I usually would on a Saturday than if my husband was around? Perth doesn't have Sunday shopping (I know kill me now) so we usually go full bore getting everything done on a Saturday, as well as looking at home opens.

This morning my little man woke me up at 6.30am and we went to the Farmers Market (aka The Spud Shed), the car wash (poor Liam freaked out and had to climb in the front with me which was not ideal), vaccumed the car, nap time, cleaned the house, went grocery shopping, bought flowers for my auntie who's dog has gone missing and had afternoon tea and made a tuna bake.

Mind you, I didn't get to shower all day!

I miss my husband though. I hate him being away. I miss talking to him and I hate sleeping alone so Liam is my substitute hot water bottle.

Sunday lunch

2010-07-20T00:21:00.002+10:00

During the week, two of my oldest girlfriends invited me out to one of my favourite places to have lunch - The Queens. Its a bit of an institution in Perth and a beautiful old pub to while away a Sunday afternoon. I was so excited about heading out and having a glass of wine with lunch that I even started planning my outfit last Wednesday.

Richard has joined an Irish golf society and plays one Sunday a month and the girlie lunch was on the same Sunday. I didn't want to leave Liam with mum and dad because it was their wedding anniversary, so I asked the girls if they would be ok with Liam coming.

'Absolutely' they said.

I was positive Liam would be fine at lunch. He loves to flirt with the waitresses and I was positive he would revel in all female company.

Sunday morning I tried to put a plan of attack into motion. I had to drop Richard off at golf by 10am. One of his teeth fell out at 9.50am. Liam had a tantrum at 9.55am and I was still in my pyjama's and couldn't find my bra. Richard tried to patch up the tooth situation while I rang our dentist to get an emergency appointment (no luck). I decided to bail everyone into the car and do the golf run.

By the time Liam and I got home it was 11.30am and my grumpy little man needed a nap and we needed to be at lunch at 1.30pm.

I raced around the house trying to piece together the outfit I had planned in my head and pack Liam's bag for the lunch so he had a few activities to focus on while I ate.

By some extreme miracle we finally made our destination just after 1.30pm. Liam didn't want to sit in the high chair and wanted to sit on my lap for the whole entire lunch. I managed to get him into his chair to eat lunch for a grand total of about 5 seconds. He did 3 poo's in the space of 45 minutes and really enjoyed playing with a straw in my diet coke until I noticed he was flicking diet coke at the next table.

A relaxing lunch? Not really. But he did charm most of the patrons in the restaurant. He even made friends with the little girl sitting with her parents.

My girlfriends are mum's but flied solo that day, so they totally got it.

After lunch and after we said our goodbyes Liam and I walked up a pretty street back to our car. He grabbed my hand and pointed at the birds in the tree. We finally got to the car and feeling hugely exhausted I lifted him into his car seat and planted a big kiss on his juicy lips.

Sunday lunches aren't what they used to be, but I definitely wouldn't change it.

Heart of glass...

2010-07-14T15:12:00.001+10:00

On Tuesday nights Richard and I tape a program and watch it after Liam has gone to bed.

Its called The Street and its by a director called Jimmy McGovern on ABC2.

The Street is a BBC television series created by Jimmy McGovern. The programme follows the lives of various residents of one street in Manchester and features an all-star cast, including Timothy Spall, Jim Broadbent, Jane Horrocks, Bob Hoskins and David Thewlis.

Its not easy to watch and its certainly thought provoking.

Last night's episode was particularly tough. It involved a baby dying and at one point, we nearly switched it off. Its harrowing to watch something about children when you are a parent.

We stuck with it and honestly, cried buckets. Bawled. The writing, direction and acting in this drama series is beyond powerful.

As soon as it was over we switched it off and sat there in stunned silence. We both got up and raced to Liam's room and watched him sleep.

One of the lines has stuck with me all day today:

'Live a good, honest life and have a child. Bring that child up with love and give it the best that you can'.

Date Night

2010-07-11T01:30:00.003+10:00

Last week while my husband and I were madly trying to clean the house I mentioned to him we hadn't had a date night in ages. One of the reasons we moved to Perth was to have a support system (my family). Do we use it? Hell no. Unless you count mum taking care of Liam on Tuesdays while we are at work.

My mum is always at us to have date nights. She thinks you can't have enough of them.

Our problem is that since Liam was born we now have this deep rooted guilt that it would be wrong to spend money on ourselves. How wrong this is. Its only lately and I mean in about the last few months or so we have actively encouraged each other to treat ourselves. Where this guilt comes from I don't know. On close inspection of my underwear drawer I only have two bra's and most of my underwear is losing its elastic. Clearly I should be spending money on myself and soon, but do I do it? I should be.

I'm veering off track but stay with me.

So, I set about organising date night. Since my husband loves a flutter there is a place called Gloucestor Park in Perth that does the 'trots' and there are three restaurants to choose from where you can eat to watch the horses trot around a few laps and you can place your bets on them. I thought it would be right up his alley and I could at least eat a hot meal with a glass of champagne without having to catch flying food from a 19 month old. A rare treat in my book.

Of course things never run smoothly in the Spillane family. I was late home from work which meant we were late picking up Liam from child care. He must have instinctly known we were going out that night as he decided to cling to my leg once we got home which made the task of pretty-ifying myself somewhat harder. I just had to make do with what I had on and do my make up in the cab.

The cab turned up early and my brother, sister in law and niece where running late. When they did turn up I had to run through Liam's routine and when we finally opened the front gate to get into the cab I saw a little face with big tears running down his cheeks.

Guilt.

Please, my husband said, we hardly ever do this, try and switch off.

We did have a lovely night. We drank wine and had a lovely meal and finally won some money in the final race. We talked about Liam a lot and admitted we missed him terribly. We went to a bar afterwards with a log fire to have a Guinness. It was a lovely night and our son was tucked up in bed by 7pm thanks to my lovely sister in law.

We ran into his room after we got home and kissed his cheeks and decided he needed to go for a haircut for the following day. We made ourselves a cuppa and got into our warm bed while it poured rain outside.

A lovely evening my darling, thankyou xx

Liam's space

2010-07-04T01:16:00.005+10:00

One of the things I am most looking forward to about having our own home is creating a beautiful playroom and bedroom for Liam. I am really half hearted about our current home at the moment. I don't think I have put a lot of effort into it and its more of a functional home if anything as I know we won't be here for too much longer.

I was looking at Pottery Barn on the internet tonight and I really love some of these boys ideas:

House hunting

2010-07-03T00:30:00.010+10:00

After nearly 7 months in Perth we have finally gotten to a point where we have agreed on a suburb in Perth to purchase our first home in. When we got to Perth we lived with my parents for 6 weeks and then decided to rent. We live on a beautiful street in a suburb called Innaloo with a gorgeous park down the end of the street. Our neighbour has lived in the same house for 50 years and has the most amazing rose garden. She loves Liam and we have made friends with most of the people on our street.

Richard works around the corner and Liam's nursery is a 2 min drive from our home. It works really well on our morning run of dropping me at the train station, Liam at nursery and Richard on the way to his new office that he moved into today.

But we want our own home. We need to nest and after 7 years of being gypsy like, the time has come to step on the property ladder.

We have found a great suburb in Perth where you can purchase a large family home on a big block. We've looked at all the schools in the area and because Perth gets so hot, we really wanted a home close to the beach so we could get that all important sea breeze in the summer. Perth's real estate is getting like Sydney now, but I think we have down our research and stumbled across a good suburb with some growth. The best thing about this suburb is that it adjoins suburbs that are really taking off and its still well priced for the time being.

Here is a house that we are looking at tomorrow that we are super excited about:

Working for the man

2010-06-23T23:13:00.003+10:00

Never in my wildest dreams did I think when I moved back to Perth I would be working for a mining company like BHP Billiton.

I am absolutely loving my job at the moment and the people I work with. I am also working on a lot of indigenous recruitment and I am especially looking forward to meeting some of my new friends tomorrow.

I've just booked a taxi for 4.45am to take me to the airport to catch my 6am flight to Port Hedland. I will be wearing safety boots, jeans and an orange work shirt. When I arrive at site I will be given a hard hat and a pair of safety goggles while I get a tour of the operations and eat lunch with the miners in their mess hall, amongst other things.

Its a bit exciting!

I'm going to miss my boys tomorrow as it'll be a long day, but I will definitely look forward to seeing their smiling faces when I get off the plane tomorrow night.

Day Spa

2010-06-17T00:00:00.004+10:00

One of the things I have noticed since moving back to Perth is the number of Day Spa's everywhere. It seems I can't drive down a main street without some serene, calming shop front enticing me in to spend a lot of money to get pampered.

I remember a couple of months before my wedding I won a $500 voucher for a Day Spa in Paddington in Sydney and I had to use it over two consecutive visits.

Oh.

My.

God.

Bliss....

If I had more disposable income and didn't feel so guilty spending money on myself I would easily be making an appointment at a Day Spa on a regular basis. Instead I get my brows waxed and a facial done every month at my local chemist.

On Tuesday I had to move office blocks and I have moved into a really nice office building in Perth called Central Park. This afternoon I noticed we have a Day Spa in our building and this definitely caught my eye:

Energy Pod

You are put into a optimum napping position to promote blood circulation and ease pressure on your lower back, drifting into a light sleep. Proven to help energise and improve concentration throughout your day. 20 minutes for $15.00 guarantees that you will feel like you have slept for 8 hours in your lunchbreak.

Hello? I think I might have to make an appointment.

Jersey-licious vs FIFA World Cup...

2010-06-13T00:45:00.005+10:00

The series takes place in the Gatsby Salon in Green Brook Township, New Jersey, focusing on the mother and daughter owners of the salon, Gayle Giacomo and Christy Pereira. Other figures include two makeup artists, Olivia Blois Sharpe and Alexa Prisco ("the Glam Fairy"), and three hairdressers: Tracy Dimarco, Anthony Lombardi and Gi Gi Losco.

Its so sad when I hear myself say to my friends 'I could not live without Foxtel IQ'.

Since having Liam, I love nothing better than curling up on the couch with a wine and indulging in reality-trash telly. And my absolute guilty pleasure is Jersey-licious. I am fascinated with all things Jersey. When I went to New York I had to make the trip over to Jersey and see all the Yentas for myself. They crack me up.

This show is so bad. My husband thinks I am hurting my brain by watching it, but this show kills me. I just think its so funny and I love it.

Anyway, these days I have to record everything as my husband has sole use of the remote control for the next month with the World Cup on. I'll have to be getting up at odd hours to watch my programs.

Larging it up african stylie

2010-06-10T23:54:00.001+10:00

I'm doing Zumba on Thursday nights now.

My friend Jules drags me to it kicking and screaming. I am totally un-coordinated but I belt out my best moves in possibly the most daggiest work out gear. Think leggings, trainers I never wear and my husband's GAP t-shirt.

But I tell you what, I feel brilliant afterwards.

Give it a go...

Full circle

2010-06-02T23:31:00.003+10:00

Once upon a time, on a cold night in London two weeks before Xmas in 2003, a rather man-jaded Aussie girl pre-arranged to meet a London boy in a pub called O'Neills (pictured above). It was a Monday night. She was tired and grumpy, and didn't really feel like trekking down the road to meet a man she had met at ANOTHER pub from the previous Friday night. Sure, they had a great time and he had bought her a can of coke and hot chips after they spent the best part of an hour pashing on the dancefloor, but her heart wasn't really in it. She'd had enough of London boys. They played games. She opened the door to this pub and spied the man she had met two days before. He smiled at her and motioned her to the bar and kissed her on both cheeks. She suddenly felt butterflies in her stomach.

While this Aussie girl was walking to the pub, she passed her favourite live music venue (above). A dreadlocked Jamaican guy came up to her. 'Fancy two tickets for 20 quid'.

'Not tonight', she replied.

'What a shame', she thought. Paul Weller is my most favourite singer. How did she not know he was playing?

The Aussie girl and London boy where sitting on a couch together, talking and laughing. It was nearing 10.30pm when the Paul Weller concert wrapped up next door and all the punters came into the pub.

'Did you know I got offered two tickets by a Jamaican guy for 20 quid before I walked in here?' said the London boy.

'So did I!' said the Aussie girl. 'I love Paul Weller!'.

'Me too' said the London boy with a twinkle in his eye.

Both agreed that although they shared a fondness for Paul Weller, something else clicked that night too.

How did they know that five years later, that first meeting would turn into this?

Ain't love just the best?

Paul Weller is coming to Perth on the 15th October. We've booked tickets to see him in Fremantle, Liam is having a sleepover at his grandparents and we have booked a hotel for the night.

I love it when life comes full circle :).

Love, Lust and Lies

2010-05-21T23:10:00.002+10:00

Love Lust & Lies is the fifth documentary in a series Gillian Armstrong has been making about the lives, hopes and dreams of three lively, working class Adelaide girls since they were fourteen in 1976. Over more than thirty years, Kerry, Josie and Diana’s struggles have captured all our hearts. Now 47, the women’s stories explore universal truths about families, love, loss, hopes and dreams.

I was reading Who this week and the review of this movie caught my eye. I never watched it from the beginning but I'm going to take myself off to the movies next week with my lovely Auntie Pauline and we are going to see it together.

I loved what the director said in the interview in Who when asked about what she learnt from making the documentary:

'The most important gift we can give our children is self esteem. It will enable them to attract good friends and good relationships and love themselves for who they are'.

Never a truer word spoken Gillian.

Goodbye Ann

2010-05-20T23:51:00.002+10:00

During the week I was told the tragic news of a school friends mother passing.

I went to a private catholic high school and made friends with a girl called Clair and her lovely sisters Jane and Kelly. I remember these girls being great friends, as well as sisters. They lived in a beautiful old cottage at the back of the school church and behind the priests residence.

I remember going to their house after school and their mum Ann being in the kitchen, with a hot drink and a plate of goodies. We'd sit at her big, kitchen table and she would say 'tell me about your day'. Coming from a family of boys, I loved going to Clair's house. I'd always wanted a sister.

Ann was inspiring. She was a single mother to these three girls and did a huge amount of work for the community and the school. She looked after the Brothers and Sisters who taught us. She was always happy and was such a supportive parent and friend.

I was so happy to hear that she remarried 10 years ago and sold the beautiful cottage and moved to a farm with her new husband. My friend Clair moved to the US and has three beautiful girls, one of which is only a few months old. Her mum just got back home after spending time with her new granddaughter.

Last Saturday night Ann went to pick up her husband in town and her car crashed head on into a tree and she died instantly. Her eldest daughter said that she looked so peaceful when she went to see her and there was not a scratch on her.

I am so sad for the family, such a tragic passing. I'll be going to a mass to say goodbye and I will always think of the beautiful Ann.

RIP beautiful lady.

xxx

A new me

2010-05-12T22:52:00.001+10:00

Life has been great lately. In fact, better than great. My mind and my body feel clear and I feel healthy. I had no idea that pain can wear you down as it did to me for 16 months. It only took having an operation to give me a new lease of life.

When I was in hospital I really thought about all the food I ate and how much I have hated my body post Liam. I hardly looked in the mirror anymore to really survey myself and I shoved all matter of junk in it without a care in the world. The result was a bloated and sluggish Jo.

In hospital I was on a liquid diet and a few kilo's where lost. I was weighed at 79kgs when I went in and now I don't know how much I weigh but I plan to weigh myself tomorrow if I can find a set of scales in a pharmacy. This is something that I would never do, but I'd like to know if I have lost anymore.

I have been following a gluten free/low fat diet for the past three weeks. I've just been doing my normal exercise with Liam and swimming on Thursday nights. I've not had any sugar, caffeine or chocolate. No wine. Its killing me, but when I think about having it, my mind goes back to the conversation the doctor had with me about diet and I think don't go there.

My aim is not to not drink until Xmas and follow my diet until the end of the year and see what happens. I am really feeling fantastic and its a challenge to come up with a gluten free dinner each night. We are doing crumbed fish and chicken and we love it.

This year I am going to stick with it :)

The week that was...

2010-05-01T00:17:00.002+10:00

I've been absent for a while these days and its been for a good reason. I wasn't well and had a week long stay in hospital.

It started last Wednesday. I woke up and got ready for work. Something inside of me didn't feel right. I felt exhausted and I remember not wanting to blowdry my hair. I remember saying to Richard I wasn't going to kill myself to get out the door that morning and when I got to work and went to the bathroom, I remember looking at myself in the mirror and then looking away again. I looked ill. But I just told myself to get on with things.

At lunchtime I went for a walk and got a sandwich. I couldn't chew it and spat it out. I got back to my desk and burst into tears. My two bosses took my aside and told me to go home. They had been concerned about me since the beginning of the week. I was in extreme pain but told Richard I would catch the train home and he needn't bother picking me up. I spent the train journey home crying.

When Richard picked me up I lost it. I said I wanted this pain to be over. He took me to our Chiro, Dane. Dane didn't want to touch me and sent us to the hospital instead. He knew it was an organ problem, either kidney or gallbladder. While screaming down the freeway I called mum and asked her to pick up Liam from childcare.

We got to emergency where I was admitted and given a shot of morphine. They then did a blood test and did an ultrasound. Things were not good. My liver count was extreme which explained the back pain and my gallbladder was about to burst which contained gallstones. I also had a stone stuck in my bile duct.

What happened over the next week I would never wish on anyone. It was awful. I had two operations and was told twice that if it had been left one week, yes one week longer, I would be dead, no question.

I have never been so scared in my life. I thought I was scared when I was about to have my c section but this was different.

One week doesn't sound a long time, but it enabled me to have a good, long hard think about things. It also enabled me to have a rest.

I am home now and feeling 150% better. My tummy is a mass of wounds and scars, but I don't care. I am home, I am alive and I am healthy again.

There are so many things that used to bug me or upset me. I don't care anymore. The sky looks bluer, the grass is greener and I appreciate the birds singing. Life is a series of moments and when you grab those moments by the hand, they make your heart sing.

I really want to thank everyone that sent me good luck messages on facebook and via text. It meant the world to me.

xxx

....

2010-04-19T22:08:00.002+10:00

Over the weekend I finally decided that it was time to take charge of my health and get my back problem sorted out. Today I left work early and went to the chiropractor who really spend a good couple of hours sorting out my problems.

I've been really down about my back. I had to spend the weekend in bed not moving because the pain got so bad. I was downing painkiller after painkiller and I really haven't eaten properly since Friday. I get so angry at myself that I keep putting other things before my health. Its so not on...if I am not well, what use am I to Liam or my darling husband?

Whilst having an emotional meltdown on the weekend, I said to my mum and husband that if this pain didn't get any better then Liam would be an only child. It killed me to say that, but I think I was just so tired and exhausted that I didn't really mean it.

Anyway, action has been taken, my Chiro Dane is working on a plan for me and its time to start taking care of me.

Be each others cheerleader...

2010-04-12T23:17:00.002+10:00

I grabbed Liam out of the car and grabbed my massive bag full of stuff. Toys, snacks, nappies and whatever it is you need to take when you head out of the house for 5 minutes. I open the gate to see my friend standing at her front door, eyes full of tears, with two screaming children behind her. I see her crying and I start as well.

8.55am, Sunday morning. I've had a fight with my husband, over something silly, like not hanging out the washing properly. Uh-oh. Don't fight the woman who has PMT and 4 hours sleep. No way. So I bite his head off.

I go to see my friend and have our usual Sunday morning playdate. Another girlfriend arrives with her 4 year old. We have children climbing over us, wanting drinks, wanting snacks and wanting, wanting, wanting something. We are tired, we are stressed and we feel a lot older than our 35 years.

We talk about the same things for the next hour while changing a shitty nappy, or placating an upset child or dodging a piece of flying lego. How hard being a mum is, how we wish our husbands would do that extra or how easy it can be to break down in tears at the end of a hard day.

We talk about things we can do for ourselves. How we don't have to be a matyr or slave to motherhood. We can spend money on ourselves, or spend a night out with the girls. We arrange to have breakfast, sans the monkeys, next Sunday on our own.

I ring my best friend during my lunchbreak and ask if she has made her doctors appointment tomorrow. She checks on me to make sure I will get to go for my walk after work.

We are in this motherhood gig together. And we do forget about ourselves, so we make sure we don't let each other do that. Because underneath the tiredness and the dark circles, there is a woman that needs to be looked after. Without the labels of mother, wife and employee attached to her. She needs time to be herself.

So, we check back in with each other each day. How great is it to have friends like this?

Sitting in the boss's chair...

2010-04-09T23:00:00.002+10:00

What a week. I've just had a glass of wine and managed to get my head around it all.

My boss is 24 weeks pregnant and got admitted to hospital last weekend. She is the most beautiful lady and we have established a really good working relationship after our little 'blip' at the beginning of the year.

I think though, she has pushed herself too far and her body is saying slow down. I am praying every night that her and her little bubba are safe because I would be devasted if something was wrong. I rang her during my lunchbreak today and have not heard from her since Monday.

So this week I got to do her job. Oh my. Now I know why I don't want to climb the career ladder and why I am quite happy in my job with its regular hours and salary. Last night I had to put myself to bed at 7pm with a temperature of 38 degrees. I was feeling rundown and just had to sleep.

Anyway, the weekend is upon us, I am looking forward to seeing my beloved Fremantle Dockers with my husband on Sunday while mum takes care of Liam and looking at more houses. I know our house is out there :)

Bad blogger..

2010-04-01T00:27:00.002+11:00

I've not been very good at regular updates lately have I?

Apologies. This month has been very busy. Work has been mad, Liam is teetering into the terrible two's (although he doesn't two until December so how does that work exactly?), we are house hunting and saving frantically to add to our deposit and just being generally crazzzzzyyyyy.

Easter is around the corner as we speak, so I promise a more interesting post in the next few days.

In the meantime, here is my little munchkin enjoying a Sunday coffee in the bath last weekend.

NB: I don't drink coffee, I have hot chocolate with one marshmallow (always will) and Liam becomes obsessed with my cup which I rinse out and let him play with!

Kill me now...

2010-03-21T16:18:00.003+11:00

No, not literally, but kill this pain I have in my back from that god for saken epidural I had 15 months ago.

On Thursday night I went swimming with a girlfriend. Each Thursday night we go, and do 20 laps. After 6 laps, my ribcage and back seized up to such an extent, I couldn't breathe and an ambulance was called. I was dragged out of the pool and then was sick over everyone. I would much prefer to go through labour a billion times over than have this pain. This 'attack' was the scariest one so far as I kept losing consciousness and then again on Friday morning when Richard took me to the GP.

Its frustrating because no medical person will admit it has anything to do with an epidural. So why did it happen two weeks after I had Liam and has been going on for so long? It starts exactly where I had that needle. And I am angry at myself for just thinking it will go away.

Anyway, my mum is a nurse and has an appointment with a physio for me next week and I had a CT scan on Saturday so hopefully this will be it and we can find something to fix it. If its nerve damage, then there is not a lot I can do except for being aware of it and having Voltaren and Panedeine Forte on hand.

Your health is your wealth, I tell you.

Now is the time to start taking better care of myself.

The big M word

2010-03-08T23:16:00.002+11:00

Mortgage.

So far, we have avoided it, but we are going to have one by the end of this year.

We are so confused. Do we build a house, or buy established? Do we push ourselves that bit further or be cautious?

I'm trying to get excited about it, but when I hear things like 'Perth is the second most expensive city in Australia' and 'you really should have bought here eight years ago', it just depresses me.

Added to the fact that we still adjusting to our move, we are probably not in the right frame of mind yet. But we don't really have a choice as if we leave it too long we are probably going to get priced out of the market.

We looked at gorgeous display homes on the weekend in that little beachside suburb I talked about last week. I still love it up there, but people love to give you opinions and all I am hearing is not great stuff.

We have a sales rep from a builder coming to talk to us on Thursday. I used to work for a home builder before I left Perth, so we are going over to my old boss's house tomorrow night to ask him every question we can think of.

Its so scary all that money, but I know once we do it we'll ask ourselves why we didn't do it sooner.

2010-03-06T00:10:00.002+11:00

I went to bed on Wednesday night at 10pm and I didn't fall asleep till 4.30am on Thursday morning.

When I had my epidural it took 3 tries to get it in. I don't remember a lot, but Richard said they were jamming it into my back like you would a nail. Since then I have had a lot of back pain and I am pretty sure its due to the epidural. For the first 12 months after the birth I would actually say the pain is as bad as labour. It would start to contract from the point of where the needle went in and then contract around my rib cage that I would have trouble breathing. A week after Liam was born Richard had to call an ambulance because the pain was so bad.

15 months on, the pain is still there but its not as bad. I couldn't sleep because it was just a constant throbbing pain. I had 1 voltaren and 2 panadol and then another panadol at 4am because I was in tears from feeling so tired and then that seemed to fix it. I took the day off work on Thursday and went and got a massage which has really helped it.

Despite all of that, if I was to have another baby (which is the question this week, I think I have been asked at least 20 times when I am having number two) I'd still have an epidural again. I just think I'd research it better and have more massages or chiro afterwards.

Go to sleep my child...

2010-03-03T01:27:00.002+11:00

Liam is ratty as hell when he is home from childcare. Rich picks him up and tries to chill him out by taking him to the beach or to the park with a book. It never works until I get home and feed him dinner and bath him and he starts to calm down.

A few weeks ago we couldn't get him off to sleep. We had tried everything...letting him play a little longer, lying on the bed with him and stroking his forehead (always worked in the past). At one point we put him in the stroller and did laps of the neighbourhood. Liam just waved at everyone having a beer in their front garden, which seems to be the norm in Perth :)

So, I came up with a bright idea.

'Rich, lets put him in the car and drive around for 10 minutes'.

Liam now knows if he arks up, we'll put him in the car and drive. I did this tonight. For an hour. Usually it only takes 10 minutes, but Rich was hooking up his new office in the spare room and I thought it best to get Liam asleep before he tangled himself up in phone cords.

As I pulled into our driveway, Liam's eyes where wide open. He'd woken up.

So I had to head out again.

There are things you swear you will never do before you become a parent and then there is the reality of being a parent that will see you do anything to get your child to sleep so you can have dinner before midnight.

A new life????

2010-03-01T14:21:00.004+11:00

Yesterday we went househunting.

We looked at houses close to the city, where you pay more for your suburb but need to do a lot of work on the house. After the fourth house, we started to feel like this whole househunting thing was going to be a huge chore. For the money people were asking, there was just no wow factor. Of course, our budget limits this and being first time buyers, there has to be a fair amount of comprimise on our part.

Our last house was a 25-30 minute drive out of the city. It was north and right on the coast next to beach. The suburb is called Butler and its a new estate. I'd never been up there and was keen to take a look, Rich was not. He couldn't see the point of looking at a suburb that was so far out of the city.

We punched in the address into the sat nav and took our time driving up. We looked at the coastline and how quiet it was up there. The beautiful streets and parks, the number of families enjoying their Sunday and how beautiful the houses looked.

We looked at the house. It was too small for us, but it was the best one we'd looked at all day. We noticed some vacant land blocks and took a drive around. It was quiet and clean and everyone was friendly. Best of all it was right next to the beach and the beach was deserted.

Driving back, we talked about building. Buying some land and building our own home. Perhaps staying up there and having a quiet life and giving Liam the best start in life. The more I think about it, the more it appeals to me. Next weekend we are going to go up and have a look at some display homes.

Its so totally removed to where I thought we would end up, but its probably a more realistic choice. Buying a house here is big money and this is one way where we could get what we want for the price that we want it for. Yes, maybe we would have to spend more time on the train or in the car...but look at how beautiful it is...

Hello long weekend...

2010-02-27T12:50:00.002+11:00

I love love love long weekends.

I don't have a lot planned this weekend. I am going to take it easy. Its been a hard week and I'm still getting over a bug that all of us have had. I've been invited to a girls night tonight in the city but I'm going to drive my car in, join my friends in their hotel room for an hour or two and return back to my cosy love nest. I need my rest and I really want to get some exercise in this weekend too.

Its been so hot in Perth. Everyone is obsessed with the weather here. Liam is coping with it amazingly well, whereas Rich and I just forget how hot it gets here.

Tomorrow we are going house hunting. Just putting a few tenative feelers out there and scoping out suburbs now that we feel a little more settled. We have a bit of an idea what to look for and wouldn't mind a project, like a bathroom or kitchen.

Liam changed overnight and is scaling everything in sight. He's standing and cruising furniture and will sit and watch the dishwasher and point and laugh at it. He's such a cutie.

Look how much my boy has changed lately!!

Lunchtime treat

2010-02-25T23:56:00.002+11:00

Every morning while walking to work I walk past His Majesty's Theatre and then past a chemist. For weeks now I have noticed they have an in house beautician so at the start of the week I made an appointment to have an express facial and eyebrow wax/tint.

I have been so stressed lately. In my own little bubble. Trying desperately to get all my worlds aligned and balanced.

I arrived for my appointment and was greeted by Jody. We had a lovely chat about life and travel. She chatted away about her degree in nutrition while I got my monobrow attended to. 5 minutes later she turned the lights down and put the Ministry of Sound Chillout Sessions up a notch.

For the next 40 minutes I had the best facial of my life. So relaxed I was, I fell asleep and started snoring. I was in pure, relaxed heaven. I don't know what Jody had, but she had magic hands.

After she awoke me from my snoring slumber, I felt transformed. I literally floated from her studio back to my office. I felt relaxed and like a new woman.

Its a reminder to treat myself each month. To shake off the employee and mum tag, and reward myself. I can't wait to go back...

Goodbye Monday

2010-02-16T00:13:00.002+11:00

The boss and I had our chat today. Things feel a little clearer now. She apologised profusely for not meeting with me at the start of my contract and in her words 'forgetting about me'. I didn't mention how I thought it wasn't the nicest thing to give feedback to someone at 5pm on a Friday night but I did say I didn't really relax over the weekend as my mind was filled with work. I thought she might get the hint but she didn't.

I remember when I was temping in London I worked with a lady who had a management role and who also had two kids. I was helping her out for 4 weeks and one day I was sitting opposite her at her desk when I noticed she had a little post it on her computer.

'Breathe breathe and breathe. Its just a job, your family is the most important thing in your life'.

I remember asking about her note and she explained to me that whenever things got too hectic in her day, she would remind herself of what was important. She said you can only get so much done in one day.

I never thought going back to work while raising a child would be so hard for me, but it is. I really don't think I would be working full time unless Richard finished at 2.30pm each day and could spend the rest of the day with Liam. Our plan is for me to work full time for the next two years and then I can scale back a bit once we have some more money in place.

This weekend we've been invited to my brother's 30th and a dinner. We've decided we are going to beat the afternoon traffic on Friday and drive south to Dunsborough to stay with my brother, fiancee and my two nephews. I want to sit on a beach with the boys and build sand castles and just not think about work for a while....

Tears tears and more tears..

2010-02-13T15:13:00.003+11:00

Ok, I profess to not being perfect. Because I am not.

For the last four weeks I have been slaving away at my new job. I've been making a real effort. So much so that I feel that I have been neglecting other things in my life which are important.

I had my interview for my permanent role yesterday morning. They are a huge company and I think I am on a massive, steep learning curve. Maybe I have taken on too much, I really don't know.

Last night as I was just about to leave, my supervisor called me for a chat. She thinks I'm burning out and needs to sit down with me on Monday to discuss my workload. She doesn't want the quality of my work comprimised. And she said its just a job and I am a mother and there are all these things to consider.

I walked out the back of our building last night and broke down. I could not stop crying. And this morning I cannot stop crying.

How do I get the balance people?

I need to sit down tomorrow night and work it all out. Liam and Rich come first but I need to work. Its so freaking hard but I don't want to complain because I am so blessed with what I have.

Shit.

A nice little stash

2010-02-12T00:14:00.002+11:00

A big thank you to the lovely Chantelle from Fat Mum Slim for the giveaway she had a few weeks ago that I won. I ended up choosing these lovely little pieces...

Treats for myself are far and few between these days, so these treasures are just beautiful. Thanks again Chantelle and Mary.

I have been so busy lately that I literally want to cry with exhaustion. Work is going really well, but god its mad. I do wonder if I am fulfilling all my duties as mother, wife and employee. I feel like I am treading water most of the time. And then there is the mother guilt on top of that, but hey, that's a whole other post.

We bought a new car last week. I love it and its such a zippy thing with so much space. Its an 08 Ford Focus. I've named her Francesca. I always name my cars. She's a beauty.

Dropping all my balls...

2010-02-03T11:31:00.003+11:00

Here is a brief snapshot of my life these days:

5.45am - alarm goes off
5.50am - shower
6.10am - get dressed, do my hair, drink two sips of a cup of tea
6.30am - wake up Liam, feed him his milk and dress him
6.45am - wake up husband
7am - leave home, do the childcare run
7.15am - kiss husband and run for the train
7.30am - order hot chocolate with two marshmallows from kind man at coffee shop who tells me I look tired...every single morning
8am - start work
5pm - finish work
5.30pm - get home, feed Liam dinner, bath Liam, start dinner
7pm - Put Liam to bed
8pm - forget dinner is burning and realise we need to eat
9pm - pack everything for the following day

And then it starts all over again the following day.

I think if you ask any working mum, the days go by too quickly and its a constant struggle to stretch yourself as mum, wife and employee.

Liam has been sick for the past few days and yesterday Richard took him to the doctor to find out he has a throat infection. I think the three of us have had collectively about 6 hours sleep over the past three nights. When I looked in the mirror yesterday I don't think any amount of concealer could have filled the bags underneath my eyes.

Today I am home with Liam as he's not well enough to go to childcare. Richard has meetings in the city and I have a ton of work to do, but Liam comes first.

Its on days like this that everything comes crashing down and you feel like you are disappointing someone, namely my employer who told me yesterday they would love to make my 3 month contract a permanent role.

I'm realising you can't plan the next week, month or year ahead. You take it day by day and do the best that you can do.

And realise that you aren't superwoman! :)

Save me from the desert...

2010-01-18T23:37:00.002+11:00

Nearly three years ago when Rich and I got married in Perth it was 45 degrees on our wedding day. It was just too hot. Our MC welcomed everyone to 'the oven' when he started the introductions for the night.

Yesterday it was 44 and today it was 43. And as boring as this may sound, its a different type of heat. Dry. And hot. Yesterday I hung out three loads of washing and by the time I came back inside the clothes were dry, I kid you not.

I spent most of the day in the pool with a mexican sombrero hat on. Liam stayed in his clam shell with water under the gazebo in mum and dad's backyard and then I would only take him into the pool with about 50 layers of spf 30+ on.

Today when I was catching the train home from work the trains were delayed because the tracks had basically melted. Poor Rich is dying because although we've lived in Sydney, he's never experienced the hot Perth summers.

We move into our new home on Friday and thank god it has air con. One of the girls at work told me to turn it on at 3am and then turn it off at 7am and your house should stay cool for the day and it will save us money.

We bought a beautiful mocha coloured modular lounge on Saturday and a beechwood table with cream leather chairs as well that's gets delivered on Saturday morning. I'm very excited about getting new furniture and have sure the new lounge is scotch guarded so Liam can't paint it.

I'll post some pictures very soon.

Our new home

2010-01-14T01:09:00.004+11:00

What a lucky week my little family is having.

No sooner had we handed in our application, we got a call to say the owners thought we were suitable tenants and we get the keys next week for this new build home. It just has to have council approval and its ours. I would really love to buy something like this as its in a great area and would be a fantastic investment. So, you never know...

My job is going really well. I love it. I love the people, the office, the work. Its super busy, just crazy, but I am learning so much. And it will be so nice to get paid. Even if its getting chewed up in rent and childcare.

So tomorrow night we need to buy a new couch and dining table. I can't wait to go shopping!

Phew!

2010-01-11T00:50:00.004+11:00

Oh my its been busy, busy around here.

I've spent the last week interviewing for new jobs, getting Richard settled into his new working from home arrangement (he is still doing his job in Sydney from Perth) and getting Liam settled into his new nursery/childcare.

I've been a tad stressed. Liam is in nursery four days a week from 7am to 3.30pm and Richard does the 'school run' as he calls it in the afternoon. Mum takes care of Liam on Tuesday. I hate dropping Liam off each morning, I have spent every morning in tears. I feel so guilty, its an awful feeling, but I am going back to work so things will be easier in the next couple of years for us all.

By some amazing stroke of luck I landed myself a recruitment role with one of the big mining companies in Perth for 3 months. I've been told it could go permanent if I work hard, so its head down and bum up as I really want us to buy a house by the end of September.

We have been living with my parents for the past month but tomorrow we are putting in an application for this property which is just around the corner from Liam's centre. Its brand new and low maintenance and would be fine for the next 6 months.

I had such a brilliant weekend with my boys. We went to the beach on Saturday afternoon and found a gorgeous little place for breakfast this morning which is ultra kid friendly, which we love of course! Liam has been in a fantastic mood all weekend. Today I had to go shopping for new work clothes. I need to lose weight though, so once things settle down I'm back into walking and swimming again.

How was your weekend? I'd love to hear about it...

Is this our new home?

2010-01-02T21:53:00.006+11:00

We've decided to hold off buying a house in Perth. I think we've had a few too many life changes last year and buying a house is a big decision so we are going to rent for 6 months to get a feel for what area is 'us'. With our budget I'm sure we won't get much of a choice, but Perth is really suburban. Like really suburban. We are finding it a bit hard to get our heads around it, so we are looking at some suburbs in Perth that feel like Sydney. Ha! And here I was thinking I wouldn't miss Sydney at all. Some habits are head to break it seems.

Will the 3 of us be gypsies for ever? Probably.

I'm in love with this place although it doesn't have much of a garden, but there is a huge park down the end of the street. And its less rent for what we paid for our two bedder in Sydney.

Where the living is easy...

2009-12-19T00:07:00.003+11:00

Today Liam and I drove down to Dunsborough, 3 hours south of Perth. My brother and his fiancee live down here and this beach is one street away from their house.

Tonight I am babysitting my nephews Jack and Harry and of course Liam. Their mum and dad have gone to a Xmas party. 3 boys under 3 is hard work but a lot of fun. They have energy to burn.

Tomorrow we are off to the icecream factory and beach for the kids and a drink at the pub for us oldies. It should be a great day. Liam loves hanging out with his cousins. I have never seen him so happy. They are so gentle with him and he's pouncing on them like a kitten. Oh and he is crawling. Like a demon. I think its all the space, he had to move.

6 more sleeps until I see Richard and then I can take him down here after Xmas. He will love it.

Home is where the heart is...

2009-12-14T01:00:00.002+11:00

Liam and I are back home in Perth. Oh my god I missed it. It feels strange to be back but good. I keep thinking I have to get on a flight and head home to Sydney in two weeks but this is home now.

I miss my husband so so so so so so much. I hate being apart from him. We both went out separately to buy webcams today so we could see each other. When Liam heads off to bed I feel a bit lost because it would be a perfect opportunity to head out to a movie or get something to eat while mum and dad stay in, but Rich will be here on Xmas Eve and then we can spend oodles of time together.

I'm cruising around Perth in a hire car and have a black Nissan Micra. I love the car, its so cute. I've already got a placement for Liam at a childcare place starting on the 6th January at my first choice and we are going in for a little visit tomorrow. I just need to get a job now. I've also been househunting this weekend and its been interesting looking at houses for sale. Mum and I went to the new Ikea that's been built here and I have all these little ideas buzzing in my head as to how I'd like our future home to look. There is just so much to look forward to and so far, its just been EASY. Less traffic, less stress, the people are so friendly and I've had to remind myself to consciously slow down a bit because I'm so used to rushing about.

In Perth there is just no need.

Crazy lady

2009-12-07T16:18:00.003+11:00

We are living with our friends Willie and Jo at the moment in Kingsford. Thank god Liam and I leave on Wednesday night because the lady that lives above us is crazy with a capital C.

On Saturday night I was hanging out some washing on the back line when she approached me. I heard someone call out Jo and she must have thought I was Jo who lived there when I quickly explained we were staying for a few days. That didn't really matter to her before she had rattled off her whole life story, peppered with some very colourful and racist language. Jo had explained to me that the landlord has evicted her because she's caused so much trouble for previous tenants and she's been there for 23 years and she has 12 weeks to find a new place. I quickly excused myself and locked the back door.

This morning I had to go to the supermarket and I was pushing Liam back in his stroller when I turned into the driveway and saw her sitting there. She was waiting for a cab. I said a quiet 'good morning' and then she proceeded to call me the most disgusting names. 'Fat pig' 'Fat whore'...it went on and on. I felt myself get quite teary and asked her to stop swearing in front of my son. She could call me whatever she wanted but I would not listen to her swearing in front of Liam. She then told me I probably swore in front of him anyway and he was too young to understand English.

I quickly ran inside and slammed the door, only to hear her still yell 'F You!!!'.

She then left shortly after. I've managed to avoid her all day but I have three loads of washing to do and I don't want to be stuck inside the house all day. I know she is crazy and harmless and I have no qualms in calling the police if I get really scared.

Crazy people love me. They are drawn to me like moths to a flame.

Two more sleeps till Perth. Hurry up please....

Happy Birthday Liam

2009-12-03T22:54:00.002+11:00

Dear Liam

Happy Birthday my beautiful boy. I can't believe how quickly a year has passed.

I remember the moment you were born. I'll always remember the moment when the doctor told me she was cutting into me and how I felt you being pulled from me. I felt a strange mixture of excitement, about seeing you for the first time and about how sad I felt that you weren't going to be inside me anymore. No more 3am moments where it was just you and me, playing, in the dark of the night. Or when I was still sleeping and your dad would cuddle up behind me and feel you move around. Your dad would talk to you every night when he came home from work, without fail. He loves you so so much.

We've had a massive year. So huge. I took you to Perth when you were two months old to meet all your extended family. You were excellent on the flight. So many people commented on how good you were. You loved the trolley coming down the middle of the aisle so much I had to pull you in. I remember how Nana Bernie burst into tears when she saw you at the airport and held your head in her hands and told you how beautiful you were. I remember how excited your cousins Charlie, Jack and Harry where to meet you for the first time. I felt so proud to take you home.

When Nanny Mary and Grandad Joe came over from London in March I will never forget how beautiful their faces looked. It was like they had been waiting their whole lives to meet you. They spent 7 weeks with you and I could tell how much you loved them.

I hope I have been a good mum to you. I feel I have. I love you with such a ferocity in scares me. I would do absolutely anything for you. Anything. You are such a good little boy and I am so proud of you. There is not a day that goes by where I take you out and someone comments on you. Every time someone says something about you, my heart soars. You took a while to come to us, but you were worth every single moment of waiting.

Your dad was so proud to take you home to London in September. He was excited about going home for Uncle Paul's wedding and introducing you to everyone. You were fantastic on the flight but we got so scared when you got sick a couple of days later. The flight was just too much for you and you needed time to recover from it. I remember being so scared when we had to take you to the emergency department. But you came through and recovered like a trooper.

You are so funny. You laugh all the time and are so naturally curious about life and what passes through your hands. We love watching life through your eyes. We can't believe how blessed we are to have you in our lives.

Liam, this time next week we will be in Perth. Its going to be your new home and we hope you'll love it as much as we do and you'll be happy there. We want to give you the best in life and Perth is where all our family is and its that touch closer to London. You'll get to see your cousins all the time and see Nanna and Poppy. We plan to take you to the beach in summer and give you a backyard that you can play in till your heart is content.

Thank you for choosing us to be your mum and dad. Words cannot express how much we love you and how happy you make us. Your dad said to me that he cannot remember life before your were born. Its like you have always been in our hearts from the day your dad and I met and when you were born, it felt like 'a-ha, here you are'.

We love you Liam. We promise to always do the best we can for you and guide you on your way. Enjoy your first birthday. And here is to many more to come.

With love...always

Mum and Dad xx

This time last year...

2009-12-03T11:46:00.002+11:00

This time last year I was sitting on a bed at The Royal in Randwick on Day 2 of my induction. I think in this picture I'd just had my third insertion of gel. It didn't really matter, because Liam just didn't want to come out. The gel did nothing. The midwives just wanted the gel to open up my cervix at least half a centremetre so they could break my waters.

On this day I remember going into the breakfast room to get our breakfast (Richard stayed over). I chatted to a lovely mexican lady who had just had her first insertion of gel. Like me, she said it would probably take ages. I remember eating my breakfast and taking our trays back to the breakfast room.

All of a sudden I heard 'GET OUT OF THE BLOODY WAY!!!!!!!!!'. It was the mexican lady and her husband hightailing it down the corridor in a wheelchair. She was crying and screaming. I asked her if she was alright? 'MOVE. MOOOVE. F&&&^^^^KK MOVE!!!'.

How rude I thought. There was no need to be like that.

I went back to my room. My mum had arrived and I told her what happened. She laughed and said that woman was going downstairs to give birth, as her gel had obviously worked. She then told me that was the beginning of labour.

I remember flopping onto my bed (well as much as you can flop at 42 weeks pregnant) and crying. I didn't want to be in that much pain. I wanted to be calm and surrounded by candles, my oils and the soft, dulcet tones of Dave Gray.

Little did I know what I was in for.

I hate moving...

2009-12-01T12:59:00.002+11:00

Or I hate when things do not go according to plan. Since Saturday I have been hauling arse over tit (is that an expression? Probably not!) to make sure I am on time for delivery people and removalists.

Where has customer service gone? Its disappeared. And general manners and respect. Argghhhh...

I have a gorgeous furniture package that got sold for a rock bottom price that will now have to go and sit on the street, waiting for the City of Sydney Council to pick up tomorrow because some bloke who won it on Ebay decided not to show up. Twice. And now he won't answer my phone calls.

And then there is the carpet cleaner who forgot to show up this morning at 8am. Never mind I've been up with the birds with a grumpy, teething, non sleeping Tasmanian Devil (read Liam) who has developed a penchant for screaming very LOUDLY at everyone.

Don't get me started on our real estate agent.

I'm so excited to be moving back to Perth but this just makes me cranky and dulls my final days in Sydney. Richard and I have one night of cleaning left and we are done. Amen.

Oh so tired....

2009-11-26T12:15:00.004+11:00

I am so tired this week. I've packed up the flat and now its onto cleaning. Richard has been massively busy at work so its just been me and Liam doing it.

I took Liam for his 12 month check this morning and after it was done I thought I better eat something because I felt like I was going to pass out. It felt like such an effort to push Liam around in his pram.

I decided to come off my medication two weeks ago. For the past two months I have been feeling brilliant and I am taking care of myself in terms of eating well and exercising and I just didn't want to be on them anymore. Instead of weaning myself off them with the help of the doctor I've just stopped cold turkey. I know this is so so wrong but there was a couple of weeks where I forgot to take them and for those two weeks I was taking them every second day. I haven't suffered any side effects and it was such a low dose anyway. I think maybe the tiredness is stemming from not taking the Lexapro.

Liam's check went really well. He's 12.8kg and 83cm. He's such a big boy. The crawling is nearly there, I honestly think he will start crawling by next Friday which is his first birthday. He even took a couple of steps on his knees last night after I built him a fort made of boxes.

God, where has this year gone???

Oh so tired.

2009-11-26T12:15:00.003+11:00

An honest opinion needed...

2009-11-24T10:28:00.003+11:00

I just recently won this outfit off Ebay.

It all started last week. I was at playgroup and we were in the singing room and I saw this mum in this fabulous little playsuit. It was green with white spots and it was strapless and had shorts. She wore it with a big tan belt and gold thongs. Lovely.

I got onto Ebay that night and tried to find something in a size 16. Maybe they only make little spotty playsuits for size 12's because I couldn't find anything that I liked, until this.

Its getting made for me in China and I've never bought anything that gets made and sent to you.

I'm thinking it might be nice for summer with a grey singlet, silver thongs and bangles. Plus I've just realised the back of my legs have broken out in spider veins so I'm a bit conscious of showing them off right now.

What do you think? Whenever I look at the picture it looks a bit complicated really and I'm wondering what its going to be like when it turns up.

My weekend

2009-11-23T14:35:00.005+11:00

I think I am still recovering from my weekend. I had my girlie leaving night on Saturday and then we had Richard's work Xmas party at Bicentennial Park yesterday. Probably neither was a good idea.

Saturday night we all went to The Winery in Surry Hills. It was rammed pack and so freaking hot. I could feel sweat running down my inner thighs. We couldn't get a table to save our lives so we went to The Dolphin to eat, which felt like a sauna, and then onto a pub in Paddington where we danced to cheesy tunes. One of my girlfriends bought me a cock-sucking cowboy shooter which killed me and I left shortly after that, only to pass out on my bed. Luckily Sunday morning is my sleep in day (Rich gets Saturdays).

However, we had to be up early. After begging Richard to stop through a drive through McDonalds to buy me a large coke with crushed ice, we proceeded to die in the heat. Great park, not a great day for it unfortunately. Richard volunteered to be Santa and I did actually think he was going to die in his suit. Poor love. He was mustering up as much enthusiasm as he could for the kids and they were all slowly going feral. At one point I thought I might have to duck Liam in the esky.

We finally got home and passed out on the floor with the air con on.

I have so much to do this week. Heaps of packing. We need to be out of our flat by next Wednesday, but we are leaving on Sunday night to stay with friends.

Life's Little Surprises

2009-11-19T15:10:00.002+11:00

Yesterday Liam and I went to visit my best friend Jo, who lived next door to us, but is now renting a new place in Kingsford with her husband and puppy. They have a three bedroom house and god, I just love it. Heaps and heaps of space and a big huge hallway. If Liam ever decides to start crawling, a huge hallway would be fantastic for him.

We are actually moving in with them when we move out of here on the 29th December.

So, we popped over with some lunch and after we ate Jo mentioned to me that she had been feeling sick that morning and her period was two weeks late. They have just started trying for a baby but she said with her being 35 and all, it couldn't possibly have happened that quickly. Or could it?

I offered to run down the road and get her a test. She refused for about an hour and then let me go and buy one. I got back, showed her how to pee on the stick and sat out the bathroom door yelling instructions.

She opened the door and showed me the two, very clear lines and burst into tears. I started crying and then Liam joined in for good measure. What a moment. It felt very similar to when I got my positive test.

As luck would have it, I'm going to be leaving her. Jo is Scottish and doesn't have family in Sydney and I'm the only mumma friend she has. I can't believe that three weeks before we leave, my bestie is preggers.

Ah...congrats to her, what a lovely, beautiful surprise!

Bad swimmers

2009-11-18T09:16:00.002+11:00

Its back to the drawing board yet again with my swimwear. My new swimmers arrived in the post yesterday but when I tried them on I look like a sausage too big for its skin. I DO NOT LOOK LIKE THE MODEL IN THE PHOTO that I posted a few days ago.

Why was I kidding myself that white swimmers would look ok?

I'm going to refund them and see what else I can get.

I had a look around Kmart yesterday and noticed they had some lovely bathers. I also snapped myself up a beautiful peach top at Kmart to wear with a silver caplet I have for my leaving soiree this Saturday night. Its a girls night and we are heading out to The Winery in Surry Hills and a few grooves in Paddington afterwards. The top half of my outfit is sorted, I have no idea what to wear on the bottom half since my wardrobe is full of sensible jeans, cargo pants and ballet flats.

A shift

2009-11-17T10:27:00.002+11:00

Yesterday I went to playgroup. There is a small group of us that meet up on Monday mornings at St Nicholas Church in Coogee where they do a FANTASTIC playgroup for kids. I mean, fantastic. For $5 they provide morning tea for the kids/mums/carers, every single toy/activity/piece of equipment needed for newborns to pre-schoolers and this place is ram packed. The volunteers are beautiful and they do dancing and storytime for the kids.

My friend Julie has a 12 week old daughter called Kaja and she mentioned to me last week that she wasn't into Mothers Group and was a bit bored at home, so I suggested she come along. The kids go crazy with the toys and us mum's gather around with our cuppa's and chocolate biscuits and have a good old gossip.

Julie walked into the church hall and surveyed the carnage. She actually looked scared.

'Oh Jo. Is this what my life is about now?' she asked me.

Julie is a career girl, but has never made a secret of how much she wanted children.

'Yep' I said.

I remember those first three months with a newborn. I was shit scared to leave the house in case Liam cried/pooed/got sick. My security blanket was all the stuff I had at home for him and when I did leave the house I carried a massive bag to cover me for any eventuality. I also found it hard to get out there and meet other mums. I was worried about whether they would judge me and when I look back now I can't believe I thought that because as a new mum you second guess yourself anyway and new mum's understand how hard it all is.

Six of us sat around with our babies and had a really good time. We went into the adjoining room for storytime and dance and watched our kids go crazy on the floor singing about koala's and platapuses.

Julie thanked me at the end of playgroup. She said it was really nice to get out of the house and talk to other mum's and watch the older kids because she realised then that her bubba will only be tiny for so long and that life will change for her and she just had to embrace it.

It occured to me as Liam and I went to the supermarket after saying goodbye to Julie and Kaja that we have come so far. I feel more confident in my ability to be a good mum to Liam. I've embraced all the changes that come with being a mum and instead of getting frustrated with the hard times, I remind myself its a phase and it will pass. It also occured to me that Liam will be one in just after two weeks time and although its been the most challenging year of my life, its also been the best and I did ok.

Actually, I am really proud of myself.

In my thoughts

2009-11-12T10:06:00.003+11:00

I've been thinking of the Heuston and Watarlow families this week after what happened to their family in the stabbing's in Randwick.

I've noticed the Daily Telegraph have taken photo's of the father arriving home from the UK to pick his daughter Ruby up from the hospital.

I do hope the media leave this family alone. It is such a terrible tragedy and Mr Heuston will be shattered with grief while caring for his three children.

Life is so short. Count your blessings and cherish the ones in your heart. Live every day with as much enthusiasm and love.

My prayers are with the families involved.

xx

Tummy Time

2009-11-12T09:46:00.005+11:00

In the last week, Liam has been moving all around his cot and we have been finding him in all various positions. His favourite is sleeping on his tummy and I think he looks so comfortable.

I can only go to sleep on my stomach and I think he takes after me.

I took him to the doctor on Monday after playgroup and she was a bit concerned he isn't crawling yet. Liam prefers to sit and bum shuffle everywhere and when you do put him onto his tummy he will get onto all fours and rock, but I think because he is a bigger baby and he's about 11.9kg and very long, he needs to gain a bit more strength to push off. All my brothers were bum shufflers and mum said they didn't start crawling/cruising/walking until 15 months so I think we might have a while to go yet.

The doctor recommended I take him to a Paed or Physio but my instinct tells me he is not far off. I'm going to trust that instead.

Its all rather exciting in our household right now, getting ready for the move. I've crossed off lots of things on my to do list and I am so excited about the big move west. I can't wait. It looks like Richard's work will create a new role for him to work from home in Perth and he'll be travelling throughout Asia, Australia and NZ to set up systems which he is a bit excited about. My niece Charlie is really excited and keeps telling me how she will babysit Liam for me. She's four. Bless her.

New Togs

2009-11-06T16:24:00.003+11:00

I'd like to give a big thankyou to Belinda who recommended http://www.landsend.com/ to me yesterday in my quest for swimwear post baby. Thankyou Belinda, because I bagged myself a lovely pair of swimmers for the bargain price of $19.99 US plus postage and handling.

I can't say I have ever bought togs online before but I'm thinking these ones are going to be ok. I think I'm being a bit ambitious choosing the colour white for my swimwear but I'm promising to keep myself fake tanned this summer (my natural colour is whiter than the cossie itself) so hopefully I'll look ok with the other mum's down at the paddling pool. Failing that I can wrap a nice sarong around my lower half.

I've just watched the last few episodes of Cold Feet this afternoon while Liam has been sleeping. A box and a half of tissues and a few Tim Tams later I am still sobbing. Why did Rachel have to die? Especially after they just bought the house which by the way I LOVE.

I hope you all have a great weekend. We have lots to do around here in anticipation of the big move. Here are a couple of snaps of my new purchase...

Swimwear

2009-11-04T10:28:00.002+11:00

I can't help letting my mind wander back to this time next year. I was massively huge, with a pregnant belly and into my first week of maternity leave. I was still cleaning like a maniac and checking out the stretchmarks that were just sprouting on my belly. I had managed to keep them at bay throughout the whole pregnancy but in the last couple of weeks they appeared.

Instead of hating them like I did back then, I've grown used to them and they have faded quite a bit with a lot of stretchmark Bio oil. I'm proud of them now. They were all a part of getting Liam into this world.

Liam is a lot bigger now and exploring more. He's still not crawling but bum shuffling everywhere. He is going to love the beach this year. I'm looking forward to taking him to the beach where I went as a kid and spending lots of time in mum and dad's pool.

His swimwear is sorted. Mine is not. Everything seems to be halternecked and with one bigger boob and major droopiness I can't quite pull off the halter neck look. Bikini's are out. Tankini's I might be able to pull off. Strapless one piece's aren't looking too bad but aren't a good look when you get dunked in a wave.

I'm still looking. I'm now turning my search online. Any pointers?

Moving on...

2009-11-02T21:18:00.002+11:00

Why is it when you make a big decision in your life to move to another city or country, you start to see your current home with different eyes.

I have never quite loved our current flat. It pained me we had to move down to the end of the street when our previous flat was being sold. I'd just fallen pregnant and I knew exactly how I wanted to do the spare room up.

But move we did. We knew it was only short term before we had Liam and then moved to Perth.

Over the last few weeks I haven't cleaned our home to my usual high standards. I've let things slip a bit because I know we are packing up soon and its going to be cleaned before the final inspection.

Now I am noticing all the things I like about it. Like how when I hang out the washing each morning the guy below us who owns a home catering business cooks his food on his outdoor bbq and tells me what he is making. Or how we have air conditioning on a muggy day today, or how Liam likes to look at the birds on his back balcony. There is a real sense of community in our apartment block and we are going to miss it.

I took Liam to Coogee on a playdate today and I thought 'god, I love this beach'. Its quiet during the week and there are kids and pregnant bellies everywhere. The locals are friendly.

Although I have had a love/hate relationship with Sydney it has been home for 5 years and I am going to miss it. Its going to be strange moving back home after 7 years away and returning with a husband and son.

I just pray/hope that everything will work out and we are making the right decision. Deep down I know we are, but there is always that bundle of nerves when you are uprooting your life.

A new look

2009-10-29T10:44:00.002+11:00

At the beginning of the week my redundancy money came through and Richard suggested I withdraw about $400 and get myself some new clothes on the proviso I didn't spend any of it on Liam.

Liam and I went off to Eastgardens yesterday for some food shopping and I had time to spare so I had a look around the shops. Which meant Cotton On Kids, Pumpkin Patch etc. I nearly bought him $400 worth of clothes but had to stop myself short of the register. When am I going to have that money to splurge on myself again?

I went into a shop called Glassons. The assistant was lovely and got me to try on white skinny jeans.

'Um, I'm a mum. I can't do white skinny jeans'.

'Yes you can' she says.

She got me to try them on with a peach coloured top and sequined silver scarf. Oh the love. This was how I wanted to look but I don't think sequins go at playgroup. Hell, even the mums that congregate in the park across the road from our flat at 4pm each day rock up in their pyjama bottoms and uggs.

But I just loved it. I bought the top and scarf and got another top in a pale buttermilk colour. I couldn't get my head around the skinny jeans so I said I would think about it and come back. I didn't, because I saw a pair or white trousers that were looser that I could wear to the beach as well.

I bought some accessories and shoes and a maxi dress at Target. I tried on a few pairs of bathers but I think I need to go back and do that properly. Like when I've had a wax and a spray tan. I hate changing rooms.

What kind of stuff are you looking forward to wearing this summer?

Musical beds

2009-10-28T08:03:00.003+11:00

How can Liam be so small yet take up our whole bed?

From 12am to 4am this morning we had musical beds. Prior to Parenthood Richard and I agreed that our baby would sleep in his own room, in his own cot. We did well. For the first week Liam was in his pram in our room and then Richard decided to cut the apron strings and suggest he get used to his cot. I remember I cried when I put him to bed that night, he was so small in that cot and I didn't sleep well. I just stared at the monitor all night and would run to the room if I heard anything.

Liam loves his room and cot, and for the most part, sleeps well. But for the past three weeks he'll wake and tired as we are, we drag him into bed with us. Last night I sat on the couch with him and stroked his hair until he fell asleep again for an hour and placed him gently into his cot. 5 mins later I heard the dummy being catapulted through the air and knocking over something on his bookcase and the old 'muuuuuuuuuma'.

So Richard bought him in. Liam doesn't keep still. He paws you and sticks fingers up your nose and pulls your hair. Or he stares at you in the dark. We all end up laughing and end up playing.

So, we've got ourselves into bad habits. Finally at 4am, Liam fell asleep starfish/jesus style and Richard carried him back to his cot. Richard and me finally got off the floor and back into our warm, comfy bed.

Nanna behaviour

2009-10-22T10:10:00.002+11:00

Not a lot to update this week. Its been pretty quiet.

Liam is up at all hours at the moment. I am not sure if he is still on UK time or if its teeth or what is going on, but he refuses to go to bed at 7pm. So we've been letting him stay up with us and try putting him down at 9pm which he sometimes agrees to, but the other night it was 11pm. Rich and I are old nanna's these days and like to be in bed before 9.30pm. But last Friday night Liam went to bed at 6.3opm and crashed out on the floor! So who knows. I'm just going to keep trying for 7pm for the next few weeks and see what happens.

Yesterday I bought the entire series of Cold Feet. Its set in Manchester about a group of 30 somethings. I love it and it makes me think about all the bad clothes I wore in the 90's.

This Saturday night my old flatmate from my Perth single days is in Sydney and we are hitting the town. She is here for a work conference and neither of us have been out for ages, so we have got a hotel room in the city, are getting ready and then going out for dinner/cocktails/dancing. I'm going to have a nap on Saturday to prepare myself (how sad am I?). She's one of my oldest and dear friends so its going to be fun. I have no idea where to go to, I am so out of the nightlife loop its not funny and will probably be wanting my cup of tea and biscuit at 9pm.

Did I mention I am 35 in 14 weeks and not 65?

The Flipping Dog

2009-10-14T11:18:00.002+11:00

I bought this little toy dog for Liam when we were out shopping in West London. He loved it and I just had to buy it for him but I think its got a bit tiresome now.

We left it in London but it arrived by post yesterday.

Eyebrow threading

2009-10-14T11:08:00.002+11:00

What is that you ask? It seems its been happening for AGES in New York and London but is still a bit unknown here. I think if DJ's or Myer had a threading bar they would make a fortune.

I was determined to get mine done in London. A beautiful Indian lady in Debenhams with henna tattoos guided me to a chair that you lay back in and started to attack my brows with a clean piece of thread. It hurt it first, but it was a good pain, like when you rip a bandaid off. It actually started to feel really nice and a bit relaxing really.

I have started to research threaders in Sydney and I have found one in Maroubra who does it for $15. The hair grows back slowly and I can tell you my brows have never looked so good. And...no redness like you normally get after a wax...

Slack arse

2009-10-12T13:38:00.002+11:00

Yes, I know.

It has taken the three of us exactly a week to get over our jetlag. A week! I must be getting older. Seriously, all three of us where in bed at 5.30pm each night last week. Richard even forgot his pin number to his keycard which goes to show how sleep deprevation can kill your brain.

Anyway, we are back on form now. Its been a big week. We had a great time, and are now nearly all better. I still have blocked ears, Liam is fighting the remnants of an ear infection and Rich still has the flu. But we had a great time, the best.

I'll always love London. If I could live in Chelsea or Notting Hill I'd live there forever but that aint gonna happen. Australia is home and it always will be. Its beautiful to come home.

I was due to start work today. I ran around like a mad woman the day before we left Sydney for London securing a childcare placement in Mascot. Liam and I loved it there. I was even slightly excited about him starting because I knew he would thrive. The staff were gorgeous and all the kids looked so happy. While in London I got a call saying my position had been made redundant but as fate would have it, after all our money troubles this year I got a great payout and we are on our way to Perth in December! Thank god. We are all so happy, so I'm back at home with the little tiger until we leave, shortly after Liam's first birthday on the 4th December.

I have heaps to update you on, so I will post again tomorrow. Its great to be home.

x

Catch up

2009-09-17T21:21:00.002+10:00

Well I am in an internet cafe in West London.

Its been lovely having a break and some time to myself. Richard has been fantastic with letting me have a few treats for myself and taking care of Liam. He's enjoying spending more time with him.

The flight was great, but long. I was so glad when it was done. Liam did really well.

Unfortunately on Tuesday he got really sick and we ended up taking him to the emergency department where he was diagnosed with an ear infection and gastro. Its the first time he's been really sick and we all got such a shock. Projectile vomit is not fun but thankfully he is fine again and the antibiotics are working well. I was so worried.

So far so good. And I did buy the orange dress from Monsoon too :)

Hello World

2009-09-07T08:58:00.002+10:00

and hello Monday.

I have a busy week ahead. We leave at 11.30am on Thursday morning. I am getting tired already thinking about the flight but I am really organised, so I am hoping and crossing fingers it will be ok.

I took Liam to Perth when he was 2 months old, but this is different. 24 hours. One 6 hour stopover in Singapore. A little cherub who wants to grab everything and I mean everything.

I have so much washing and packing to do today. For some reason I have also arranged an appointment in Paddington to get my hair foiled for the bargain price of $35! I don't really have the time to do it, but it was such a bargain I couldn't resist. I'll post some piccies later.

I had a great weekend with my boys. Just beautiful. I was so happy to celebrate Father's Day yesterday. I spoilt my beautiful husband and although we had to eat in shifts at Moo Burgers we still had a lot of fun.

We got stopped in Bondi yesterday by a rather attractive looking lady who suggested I should take Liam to a modelling agency for kids. She was from Canada and had managed an agency for kids out there and said Liam has a very 'now look'. He's 9 months old!

I don't know. To me he is gorgeous with his big eyes and curly hair but mum's think their children are the most beautiful in the world. He's just a little boy and I don't think I'd feel too comfortable about it all.

Anyway, have a great week and I'll be back later before we go.

xx

It's Bondi Junction on steriods baby...

2009-09-04T22:04:00.006+10:00

When I lived in London I lived in a suburb called Chiswick which was right next door to Shepherds Bush, which is mostly where all the Australian's and Kiwi's congregated.

Westfields have opened up a brand new shopping centre in She Bu (that's what I used to call it when I lived there). According to my friend in Amanda who now lives back in London with her daughter Bo, 'its like Westfield Bondi Junction on steriods baby'.

So, you can imagine how excited I am about spending my first Saturday in London at this new shopping mecca. And how even more excited I got when I discovered they have a champagne bar, smack bag in the middle of it all. Rose', Cliquot anyone?

I am looking forward to having a rummage through Monsoon, my most favourite UK shop. I've shortlisted these three dresses as possibilities for the wedding we are attending. What do you think?

Busy

2009-09-03T14:58:00.002+10:00

I am so sorry I haven't posted for a while - but things have been HECTIC!

Liam and I have been keeping ourselves ultra busy and I have been feeling amazingly better. My zest for life is coming back in a big way and I am seeing things so much more clearly now. I love it.

Liam and I have found the best playgroup EVER on Mondays and Thursdays and its really been a saviour for the both of us. I love taking him there and I love the volunteers and the other mum's.

Next Thursday the three of us fly out to Singapore and London for three weeks. Things aren't great with Richard's parents, despite his brother getting married at the end of the month, but we are just going to look forward to our trip and relish spending three weeks together. I know Richard misses Liam so much each day and he is really looking forward to introducing Liam to his big brother.

I am also trying to negotiate a return to work in October which is proving hard due to childcare arrangements, but it looks like Liam's godmum is going to become his personal nanny (lucky boy!). We still have a few things to sort out before the arrangement goes ahead, and I will absolutely despise going back to work, but we need the money if we are to get to Perth this year.

This Sunday is also Fathers Day. Richard wants to go out for a juicy hamburger so we are taking him to Moo Burgers in Bondi for an extra special treat. I really want to make it a wonderful day for him because he's such an awesome dad and husband.

x

Mad hair

2009-08-28T16:05:00.002+10:00

Liam has always had a good head of hair. My hair is rather thick, so he's inherited his thickness from me but the colour from his dad.

What we didn't expect was the mad curls. We just love them. When he was younger I was obsessed with brushing his hair every five minutes and parting it, but now that its sprung curls I just brush it after his bath and let it do whatever it has to do.

I am sure when we go back to London in two weeks my parents in law will say we should cut it. They really want to see him have his first hair cut, but Rich and me want to grow it longer, like our favourite child character Ben from the comedy on UKTV Outnumbered.

Everywhere we go, Liam gets lots of compliments about his hair. He's such a cutie and I reckon it makes him look like a proper boy.

Babies babies everywhere

2009-08-26T11:56:00.002+10:00

Over the weekend two friends of mine had their first child.

Last night we let Liam stay up a little later and we went to The Royal in Randwick to see little newborn Kaja.

It felt so surreal to walk into the Paddington ward, nearly nine months after having Liam. As soon as we walked out of the lift Richard and me were hit with the smell of the hospital food and we looked at each other and said 'remember that smell?'.

We saw little Kaja and congratulated her parents Matt and Julie. They were just so pleased. It was beautiful to watch them with their first daughter. You forget how small newborns are and how good they smell. Liam was sitting on the bed saying 'dad, dad, dad' and it made me teary to remember he was once that small.

I thought my cluckiness had disappeared, but holding Kaja, I remember how addictive newborns can be. I'd love a second child, but not for a while yet, maybe another 2-3 years or so.

Babies are such a blessing and driving home from the hospital it made me feel good that my little family has come so far, despite the ups and downs along the way.

What Tricia said next

2009-08-21T09:16:00.003+10:00

Well...my reading arrived. I asked about lots of things, money, career, family, my inlaws, our move to Perth and whether we would buy a home soon. Overall I am pretty pleased with it.

Hi Joanna,

The first thing I am seeing around you today is in the area of finance, I can see that you have had some hard times with your finances in the recent past, and I do not feel as though they're going to improve a great deal for a while ahead. Don't worry in the long term these early years are going to be the most difficult for you as you find a base for your family.

It is particularly hard when you have had less income and more expense with your little one but overall in the future things will settle down for you and you will be able to feel more comfortable financially.

It is not as if it's going to get really easy really quickly, it is just a time where you are growing slowly.

Be very careful with your spending this is where you need to take note. Buy only what is necessary and keep this as your mantra for at least the next two years.

I do feel that the move to Perth is available to you that you will definitely have to be very stringent with your money between now and then for it to come to pass that the time that you hope.

There will be delays if you are not very careful.

Although I do see that you will most definitely move to Perth.

Now in regard to your career, you really do not need to be focusing on a direct career path yourself at this time. When I talk about career I mean, a job where it is a direct chosen career. What you need to be thinking about Ian this means to an end for now. This means that you need to be looking at work that will bring you in the income that is necessary for you to do what you want to do with your family for the future. Not everyone needs to be focused on a career. You will find during your life that there are going to be a lot of other things that are going to be more important to you than you a job.

You are not showing to me to be in the right time of your life to be focusing on career. You are a good mother and this is your career for now. And it is the best to career you will ever have.

In regard to buying your own home in Perth, you will most definitely do this in the long run but I do not see this as a short-term goal at this time, but most certainly put it on your list of long term goals as it will gradually appear to be much easier to you to attain this over time.

Not everything that is good in life comes really quickly to you, so you will find that if you relax seat your goals the time ahead that you are not so stressed.

I can see around you that you are stressed over money and stressed that are trying to retain things that the future. Time to put yourself back and think about the simple things in life because this is where the love is and this is a good place to be.

Don’t let the stresses of everyday life interfere with your good relationship that you have with your partner. Stop and look around you and you will understand that you have all you need with your family at this time to have a good life.

As a matter of interest I can see that you are very privileged with that partnership that you have and the love that is around you. So take stock or where you are, it is important to run some parallels.

As I look around your husband's parents in the UK I can see that they have problems that have been around for a very long time. Of course are not going to sort out their problems. In really twisted way, I don't think they want to because they have come to the point their life where it is habitual filling to have these issues. The way to deal with these people is to understand that you do not have to please them. You have a type of nature that wants to be pleasing and accepted, but first you must understand that nothing you can do will make these people happy. They are habitually unhappy.

So stop trying to please and make them happy, just be yourself, ignore their behaviour and go on as you would at home. Don’t around these people because they are so involved with their own issues and so self obsessed that they do not even take the time to think about you or their son most of the time.

Click them out of your mind, between now and when you arrive at their front door. When you are closing in on them imagine a white light surrounding you that is protective of your sensitive nature, imagine that they can’t penetrate it. Then you will see a change in them. Keep your protective light when you are in their company. It will make a lot of difference. But most of all remember that you do not need to impress these people at all. As a matter-of-fact, they should be impressing you. So head up, protective light in place and enjoy your holiday.

Pick a suburb and explore

2009-08-20T20:51:00.003+10:00

The thing I suspect about most big cities is that if you are a local, you tend to stick to your own suburb or area.

Richard and I realised there are some suburbs in Sydney that we don't spend enough time in. So we've introduced 'Explore Sydney Sundays'.

Each Sunday we take turns picking a suburb and we spend a Sunday in it. We might have a picnic in the park, or a beer at a kid friendly pub and check it out.

Last Sunday we went to Balmain. We love Balmain. Right next to the water, beautiful cafes and cute boutiques and gorgeous terraces. I love the Colgate & Palmolive apartment building.

Such a beautiful part of Sydney.

Tapping my feet impatiently

2009-08-14T15:01:00.002+10:00

I haven't had an online psychic reading for a while, but last Wednesday I bought one on Ebay from Tricia.

For those of you who don't know Tricia, she's freakily accurate. I've had three email readings from her so far and everything she has said has been spot on.

She says it takes 7-10 days to come through and its now day 9. I've checked my email about 40 times today and still nothing.

One must be patient!

Small steps

2009-08-13T10:13:00.004+10:00

Yesterday was a great day. In fact, I think it was the first day in about 4 weeks where I haven't cried. I don't know whether this has co-incided with me taking my medication for the first time yesterday or the fact that I finally asked for help. I'm not going to analyse it too much. It was just a good day and I felt calm. And rational.

I took Liam up to see Richard at work in Chatswood. Richard was so proud showing him off to everyone at work. I made sure Liam looked his best and he had on baggy jeans, his orange shirt and his white and black adidas trainers. He was a hit with all of Richard's work colleagues. I knew when I left Richard really appreciated us coming up to see him.

I also met up with my friend Viv at the shopping centre. We used to work together and as an older mum, she had plenty of advice for me. It was so good to see her again and see how well her little boy is. He's two weeks older than Liam.

On the way home I was feeding Liam his banana on the train and I felt something sharp. His first tooth! I felt so happy and wanted to shout it out to all the people on the train. I smiled at him and told him I was so proud of him and then he waved at me. I've been trying to teach him for ages and it just happened.

It was then that I realised that these are the moments that really make all the hard times worth it. I wasn't thinking about all the problems we've had with money or with my inlaws. It was all about being in the 'moment' and just being truly happy and proud of my little boy.

2009-08-11T09:17:00.002+10:00

Last night I was in bed reading the latest Practical Parenting magazine.

I read an article about a couple who had triplets prematurely and who lost them. Reading the story made me cry. I felt so, so sad for them. I think when you become a mother and you read something like that, you imagine how you would feel. My heart just broke for them.

Reading the story, I recognised the names of the parents and a conversation I recalled having with my had when they were over last week. The dad, Ash, was a family friend. Dad used to take us to the footy as kids and dad's mate Steve had two kids...Ashley and Steven.

Dad had told me the story of what had happened and when I got to the end of the story in the magazine I realised who I was reading about. I woke Richard up and got him to read the story.

This morning, I still can't help thinking about what this couple went through. I don't think I realise how lucky I am and how many blessings I have. What is even more inspiring is that the couple had another son and hold a half marathon each year to raise money for the Royal Womens in Randwick for the special care nursery.

I've decided today I'm going to get in touch with our family friend to donate money to the cause and enquire about the half marathon next year.

Hug your babies close today xx

You take a walk....

2009-08-09T22:10:00.002+10:00

This morning I suggested to my little family that we do the Coogee to Bondi walk. I'd pack a big picnic and we could all get sweaty walking those big stairs along the coast with a stroller, baby and the ten million things you need to pack when you go out for the day.

In an effort to keep encouraging the 'feel good cells' buzzing around in my brain, exercise seemed like the perfect answer.

Richard and I used to do this walk nearly every weekend before we had Liam and this was the first time we attempted it with him. We parked the car in Coogee and headed off.

The plan was to walk to Bondi and walk back. We had a picnic at Clovelly beach and showed Liam the beautiful sunshine and water. Two little boys even bought over a pet rabbit for him to pet and I took him around the playground. We just got past the bowling club in Clovelly when we stumbled on the graveyard overlooking the ocean and realised all the regeneration work was going to be too hard to navigate with the stroller and we got trapped in the graveyard instead.

Walking through the graveyard it got me thinking about life and death. We are a long time dead. We are a short time living. I have a beautiful husband and son...everything that I have ever wanted. For whatever reason, my brain feels numb to it. I've just got to KICK THIS FOG IN MY BRAIN. It just has to go you know?

We made our way out of the graveyard. We take a scenic walk around all the quiet streets in Clovelly and made our way back to Coogee. We went to the pub and fed Liam and had a drink. I smiled at my two beautiful boys, looking at me with their big blue eyes. Tears fall down my face. One minute I'm up, the next I am down. This rollercoaster has to stop.

Its time to get better. And I know I will.

I'm back

2009-08-07T13:42:00.003+10:00

Yes, I know its been quiet here.

There is a reason for it.

I've had my parents over from Perth for the last week and they went home on Wednesday.

I've also been spending a bit of time at the GP as well.

This week I was diagnosed with Post Natal Depression. To type those words is so very hard for me. I always felt that I coped well with everything that life threw at me, but I think some things have been too much this year and I needed to ask for help.

And I did, so I am proud of me.

I think the best thing to come out of this is that I will get better. There is light for me. And I remain hopeful that I'm strong enough to get excited about life again.

Its been such a confusing time, dealing with this Jeykll and Hyde personality that has invaded me over the past few months. I knew deep down something was just not right. It was so hard to put my finger on it.

Anyway. There it is now. In black and white. There is a certain amount of relief that I've asked for help. And that I am surrounded by so many beautiful people in my life that want to help.

White feather

2009-07-27T22:15:00.002+10:00

I found a white feather in Liam's room on the weekend.

I didn't really think about it when I picked it up. I remember I found it next to his nappy bin when I was tidying up and I put it in the bin. While I was out walking today I thought about it again.

White feathers mean something don't they? That someone is looking out for Liam or maybe us?

I had a look on google and it means we have an angel or loved one around us.

Which is nice to know because I feel like we are going through the ringer right now with all sorts of things. Just life stuff you know.

Its lovely when life throws you a sign.

Always keep your eyes wide open I say.

A Wee Wayne

2009-07-25T12:13:00.002+10:00

Yesterday I picked up Richard's cousin from Ireland Laura and her friend Sian. They are on a one year working visa in Australia and are living in Melbourne. They are in Sydney for the week.

Laura and Sian live in Buncrana in Donegal which is in Ireland. They have Northern Irish accents but Donegal isn't in Northern Ireland.

Laura is a hoot. She's really loud and she loves kids. If they were living in Sydney I'd be tempted to hire her as a nanny so I could get some extra money for my family by going back to work. Liam was fascinated by her as she recounted various drunk stories on her travels and tales from back home.

Buncrana is a tiny little village and I've been there once. I love it. I could happily live there on a farm and pop out babies while Richard tended to the land. Of course this is my romanticised view of it all and its actually pretty hard work. So, for Laura and her friend to come over to Australia makes me really proud of them. What an adventure for them.

All night she kept telling me how she couldn't wait to have 'wee Wayne's'. Or how all of her friends back home had four 'wee Wayne's' under the age of three because 'ye pop em out really quickly ye see Jo'.

Richard drove them back to their hostel in Bondi at 9pm. When he got home I said to him 'what is a Wee Wayne Rich?'.

He said to me that they meant 'little one' or a 'wee un (little 'one').

The way they pronounced it I was thinking everyone in Ireland was naming their kids Wayne.

Boys will be boys

2009-07-21T09:50:00.003+10:00

My little man is such a rough and tumble kinda fella. He's never been particularly delicate. Well maybe for those first three months...but he loves it when we get right in there and start blowing on his belly or scratch his back.

I can see I am going to have my work cut out for me when he starts moving.

I love this little movie Rich shot of me and Liam last week when he got home from work and we had some playtime on the bed.

A mummy friend

2009-07-15T09:30:00.003+10:00

Yesterday Liam and I met up with Winnie and Hayden. Winnie is a mum I met at the Early Childhood Centre last week and Hayden is her too-cute-of-a-button 5 month old little girl.

We both live in Zetland and there is a big park in the middle of our suburb. We met up there, had a hot chocolate and fudge slice at the local cafe and then took the kids for a couple of laps around Zetland.

We discussed all sorts of things mummy-related and it was really lovely to kill some time between that 3-5pm window of time when Liam starts to get really challenging.

Its so nice to talk to other mum's who 'just get it'. My friends in Sydney don't have children and I find I keep a lid on baby talk. I think to myself 'do they really want to hear it?'. So I keep my mouth shut for fear of boring them. Which is probably very silly because Liam is my focus and my life and why shouldn't I talk about him?

So, we had a really lovely afternoon.

Last night at 8.30pm, Liam woke up SCREAMING. It took about half an hour for me and Rich to calm him down. Its so frustrating not knowing what is wrong. His temperature was fine. He was nice and warm, but not too warm if you know what I mean. I ended up feeding him and he gulped down his bottle. He had a really big dinner and his 6.30pm milk feed, so I found it strange he was hungry again, but so be it. He went down without a problem after his second bottle.

Poor little mite, I think we are definitely heading for teeth territory right now.

Passport photo's

2009-07-13T09:52:00.005+10:00

Who knew the ordeal in trying to take a good headshot satisfactory for the Department of Immigration when you have a 7 month old.

It took two of us to finally get the right shot..and it was the only one where he wasn't smiling. But it did the job and the application is now ready for next week.

Passport photo's.

2009-07-13T09:52:00.001+10:00

Pink toes

2009-07-13T09:46:00.003+10:00

On the weekend I went to Bondi Junction Westfields and had four hours to myself while Rich took care of Liam.

I got my toenails done. I tried on dressed in DJ's. I sat in Borders for an hour with a hot chocolate and a trashy mag.

It was bliss.

Now, when I look down at my pink toes, I think about how good it felt to have some time out.

Everyone needs some time to themselves.

Yesterday

2009-07-09T19:25:00.002+10:00

Yesterday I cried for the whole day.

Liam was having his morning nap. I needed someone to talk to. I needed to offload. My mum was at work and had her mobile turned off. Richard was in a meeting and couldn't be contacted.

So I called Lifeline.

I spoke to a beautiful lady called Emma. Like me, she is a mum and when I blurted out what was wrong, she immediately understood.

I have never called Lifeline before, but in my state yesterday, I felt desperate. Not suicide desperate, but so emotionally exhausted desperate that it was the first number I was able to find.

Little did I know there is also a Parenting line I could have called, but I didn't know that. I was just glad that I spoke to someone like Emma.

I know I don't have PND. I eat well, I sleep well and can see the funny side of life. Liam is a brilliant baby and I love him to pieces. It boils down to having absolutely no support network whatsover.

Even if you are a single parent and don't have a partner, or you are married, everyone needs a support network.

So today, I went off in search of one.

I went to the Early Childhood clinic at Randwick. On Thursday afternoons they cover a series of topics for older babies. I got chatting to a lovely girl next to me called Winnie. Unbelievably, she lives one street back from me. She said she'd love to catch up for a pram walk and a coffee.

Isn't it funny that when you get out there and make things happen, life looks up again.

What I've realised, 7 months on, is that I am grieving my old life and find it difficult to ask for help. I make sure Liam and Richard are happy first. I put myself last, like I suspect most mothers do.

My lesson is to still take care of me. I'm in there somewhere, but I've been a bit lost. And I'm sure with my new found positivity I'll find myself again soon.

A Dream

2009-07-08T10:23:00.003+10:00

Last night I dreamt I was pregnant and about to give birth.

I was in an operating theatre with Liam and Richard by my side. I had a green sheet draped across my huge belly and my legs were in stirrups. I was being told to push. In my dream Liam was a newborn. Richard was crying. While I was pushing, he said to me 'how are we going to manage two little babies?'.

I must admit I woke up with a start and was breathing really quickly! I ran into Liam's room to check to see he was ok. My big boofa of a seven month old was snoring his head off.

I don't know why I had this dream. Maybe its because I've been asked about 20 million times this week when I am planning to have number two. Hello? I haven't even got through the first year yet. I haven't experienced teething or crawling or walking or toddler tantrums.

Some days I wonder if I will want to have more children. Richard and I talk about it a lot and we do want two. I think he would love three.

I would like an age gap of 2-3 years. I don't want to have my babies close together, but I'm dealing with Mother Nature here. She doesn't care what your plans are and I'm nearing 35.

I don't want to wish away Liam's first year, but I think when he turns one, I will feel a relief. A celebration that we made it. We came out alive.

Motherhood is HARD. Harder than I expected. But more wonderful and beautiful and joyus than I ever imagined. So many extremes in one day.

Would I change it? Not for a second.

Freaking freezing

2009-07-06T09:21:00.003+10:00

Jesus its cold this morning.

Liam had hands like blocks of ice this morning, despite wearing MITTENS to bed. I don't think I could have rugged him up anymore, but it looks like I am going to have to try harder tonight.

And if anyone can point an oil column heater in my direction I'd be very happy - I can't find one anywhere.

We had a nice weekend. A lovely walk around Centennial Park yesterday. It was such a beautiful day and there were kids galore.

Something is missing right now and its becoming more and more apparent each day. I am MISSING my family so much. Somedays I wonder if we will ever get to December. Me being the extremely impatient person that I am, I want it to happen now. But, mum and dad will be here soon in 22 days (not that I am counting!) and it'll be so lovely.

I remember when I was pregnant someone said to me 'you'll miss your mum so much when you have your baby'. I remember thinking I'd be fine, but I'm not. Its silly isn't it? I'm a mum now and a wife and I have my little boy and my husband and I should be standing on my own two independent adult feet, but I am still craving that reassurance and company of my mum.

Somedays I think about what it was like for my own mum not having her mum around when I was born. That must have been so tough for her.

Tag you're it

2009-07-01T23:15:00.003+10:00

I've been tagged by my lovely mate Sarah. Sarah, I will call you soon, I promise!

While flicking through some photo's on my laptop, I stumbled across some random shots from our wedding. I like these two, because when they were taken I had no idea we were being photographed and they have captured some special moments between us when we became husband and wife.

I remember hugging Richard towards the end of the night when the last song came on which was 'I've had the time of my life'. I normally hate that song, but at the end of our wedding day, I remember thinking how perfect that song was, because I did have the best day of my life.

The second photo is of us dancing to our bridal waltz. We didn't actually waltz, we shuffled around the dancefloor and grinned ridiculously at each other. The song was by The Beatles 'In my life'. I remember dancing with my new husband and singing to him 'In my life I love you more'. I still sing it to him and I sing it to Liam when I am trying to get him to sleep.

Ah love. Its the best...

Oxford Street London here I come

2009-06-30T10:51:00.002+10:00

I'm really looking forward to shopping up a storm in London when we head over in September. I need to get an outfit for the wedding and Richard is buying a new suit. There is such a huge range of clothes over there and I miss the shopping so much.

As for Liam, I've already started looking at what I can get him. I love UK baby clothes. He has heaps of Marks and Spencers onesies and I find they are just great quality and perfect for bedtime. Here is some stuff that has caught my eye. Rich has promised me a day on my own where I can get the tube to Oxford St and shop till my budget's content :)

Monday, Monday...

2009-06-29T10:01:00.002+10:00

I hope you all had a great weekend. Liam slept a little better this weekend, although I think I was up 8 times on Saturday night/Sunday morning. I'm half asleep when it happens, so when I wake up I can never remember anyway.

Yesterday the three of us caught the bus into the city and we wondered through The Rocks Markets. I love those markets. I also love the corn on the cob and chocolate covered strawberries, but I resisted temptation. There are so many lovely things to buy there. Richard and I decided before we leave Sydney this year, we'd love to get a black and white print of the harbour and frame it.

We had lunch in the city and a couple of drinks and Liam was so good. We can take him anywhere, but the little mite is so NOSEY. He's poking his head around everywhere trying to take a look.

This week we haven't got much planned. We are off to the post office and library today and maybe the supermarket later. The weather this week is a lot nicer thank god, so we'll make the most of it!

My giggling little boy..

2009-06-26T16:38:00.003+10:00

I was bringing the washing in off the back balcony this afternoon and chucking it onto Liam's feeding chair. Liam was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes!

Its moments like these that fill my heart with so much love...

Sleep..

2009-06-26T09:18:00.002+10:00

Liam has been up since 1am this morning. I was going to take him to Rhyme Time at the library this morning but I can hardly keep my eyes open.

He has gone down for his 9am nap without a problem so I might see if I can grab a few minutes on the couch when I have done everything around the house.

I'm at a loss as to why he's started to do this. He doesn't wake up crying. He wakes us laughing and babbling and the babbling gets louder and louder until the fake coughing starts. I fed him at 1am and then he went back to sleep for another half an hour and then it starts all over again. By 4am, Richard and I decided to bring him into bed with us and he finally dropped off at 5.30am and then woke at 6am.

Back to my Baby Love book. I think I shot myself in the foot when someone asked me last week if he was a good sleeper. Lesson learnt Jo, never get too cocky about sleep!

A little break in wine country

2009-06-25T21:46:00.003+10:00

Mum and Dad are coming over for a week at the end of July and we are going to the Hunter Valley for the weekend. Dad booked this for the five of us - far out! Fancy shmancy or what? Now I just need to get a portacot. I can't wait...

4am

2009-06-25T04:01:00.003+10:00

Do we see a theme here?

Its easier to sit at my computer in the study outside Liam's room and wait for the chatter of 'bub, bub, bub and arrghhhh, argghhhh, argghhhh' to die down, rather than get into my warm bed complete with snoring husband and listen to it.

After having such a good run of night sleeps I am sure this chitter chatter at 3.30am - 4.00am of night wakings is due to the new morning and afternoon naps. I'm being transported back to those two hourly wakings of a newborn where he would drift off mid feed and I'd carefully place him back into his cot.

Now, I get smiles and fingers stuck up my nose and wanting to hold my own bottle.

Please go to sleep Liam. I'm very happy you start the day with gusto and laughs but....sleep!

x

When it comes to your kids, you have to do what's best...

2009-06-24T21:55:00.003+10:00

This morning while I fed Liam breakfast, it was announced on tv that Jon and Kate Gosselin (from the tv show Jon and Kate Plus 8) have filed for divorce.

I've watched this show with interest and have always been interested in how they have handled a supersize family. I know how hard it is to be a mum of one and have your new bundle hand grenade all the other areas of your life, so I take my hat off to anyone that could parent 8 children.

Jon and Kate have reached cult status in the US. The show has huge ratings and the network TLC has funded their $1 million home, provided security, personal chefs and assistants for the couple. At the beginning of the show, Kate gave up her job as a nurse to stay home full time with the kids and Jon worked full time as an IT Analyst. Now Kate has a super trim body and tan to boot, a spanking new wardrobe and an edgy haircut. Jon has had hair plugs and diamond earrings. They are paid $75K an episode and Jon no longer works in IT.

My personal belief is that they have changed. Celebrity life has become too tempting and its ruined a marriage that bought 8 children into the world. I bet all those kids would swap all the fame for their two parents to stay together.

Kate said this morning 'The show must GO ON'. I'd be inclined to forget the show, forget the personal appearances and travelling and just be a mum.

Its so sad these things happen. I really feel for the kids and hope they will be ok about what has happened to their mum and dad.

3.30am

2009-06-24T04:39:00.003+10:00

Liam wants to start his days at 3.30am. I'm sitting here typing with my eyes hanging out of my head and I have a laughing little boy in his cot. I am trying so hard not to laugh, because every little sound he is making is gorgeous.

He has done this the two previous nights. Since I figured out 'the sleeping bag trick'. Day sleeps are better, I can actually eat something now, but it looks like he is counting his day sleeps towards his 24 hour sleep quota.

Motherhood hey? Just when you think you've got it sussed. Who am I kidding?

Oh Happy Day

2009-06-22T19:20:00.002+10:00

Today was a LOVELY day.

And it was a Monday. I usually am not a big lover of Monday's, but today was just the best.

I met up with the lovely Nat and her gorgeous baby girl Elka for the second time to see a movie for the first time at the Ritz in Randwick. It was a Mum's and Bub's session and we saw The Proposal. Lots of babies and mum's in one cinema. Its funny how you tune out to about 50 babies crying. I can imagine for anyone else that doesn't have kids it would be their idea of hell, but I loved it.

Elka and Liam were so good, and I had a great time. Thanks for the suggestion Nat, it was lovely to see you and Elka again.

This morning when the alarm went off at 6.30am, Richard rolled over and told me that he was going to take a day off work, otherwise known as a Mental Health Day or a Sickie, because work is so quiet for him right now. In the whole 6 years I have known Rich, he's never taken one. It was so lovely to spend the rest of my Monday with my two favourite boys.

We went to the park and Toys R Us and Liam became fixated with a talking dog in the toy store. He was just squealing with laughter and looked so happy.

It really was a wonderful day. How was your Monday?

The Penny Drops

2009-06-21T10:04:00.002+10:00

Liam has been on the Save Our Sleep routine since he was about 4 weeks old. This book has been our saviour and we've dipped in and out of it whenever we have had any questions.

I'm a big believer in routine and I like knowing when Liam needs to be fed and how much sleep he has in a 24 hour period. From about 5 months old Liam started to sleep through the night from 7am to 7pm, and then we had another 3 weeks where he would start waking every 3 hours or so.

Now that he's 6 and a half months, the 7pm-7am sleep is perfect. Teething will probably start soon, so I'm not counting my chickens before they hatch just yet.

Liam's day sleeps are a nightmare. He'd go down at 9am and sleep for 40 minutes if I was lucky. Interestingly, when Richard is home for the weekend, Liam would sleep his full nap. I don't know what it was.

As for an afternoon sleep, forget it.

I knew I had to try and introduce a day sleep because he was getting to 4pm and crashing out.

I referred to the book again and then it dropped. Why didn't I see it before? Liam goes to sleep with a sleeping bag at 7pm. It's his sleep cue. So now, I've put him in his bag at the morning and afternoon nap and I can't believe it, but he's had two day sleeps since yesterday. And he's sleeping now. I can eat breakfast and I had lunch yesterday for the first time in ages.

Of course, Richard goes back to work tomorrow, so who knows what's going to happen!

Pop Quiz

2009-06-20T14:21:00.002+10:00

I saw these questions in the paper the other day and I liked the sound of them.

If you read my blog, I tag all of you. Go on. Answer these questions on your blog so we can all find out more about each other.

What do you have in your handbag right now?
Handbag? My collection of handbags are gathering dust. I have two nappy bags on the go now. Its usually my keys, wallet, phone, lipstick, nappies, snacks, wipes, spew rag. Nothing too exciting these days unfortunately.

What was it about your husband that attracted you to him... and what keeps you with him?
His eyes are what first attracted me and his kiss! We kissed within an hour of meeting each other (read drunken snog in the pub). I'm happy to say that 6 years on its his kindness and thoughtfulness that keep me with him. And the fact that I love him to pieces.

Who was the last person you received a text from, and what did it say?
My neighbour Jo. She asked how my day went.

When was the last time you travelled on public transport?
A few weeks ago now. Liam and I caught the bus to Randwick.

What's the best party you've ever been to?
I really enjoyed a fancy dress party then I went to in 2007. It was in a pub on Oxford Street and was a joint birthday party for my friends Terry and Paul. I didn't get dressed up as I had to go out for dinner beforehand, but it was a brilliant night.

What makes you angry?
Children being mistreated. Anything that involves children these days makes my heart bleed.

When were you happiest?
Probably right now, with Liam and my husband. I grow happier the older I get. I think I care less about stuff and appreciate what I've got. I was probably least happy in my 20s when I was trying to work it all out and often making mistakes.

Who was the last person to make you cry?
This sounds awful but Richard. We've been arguing about money lately.

What item would you never throw out?
Liam's baby clothes.

What's your biggest indulgence?
Chocolate, television, sleep and comfort food. I like things that comfort me, like being with my family or eating chips and chocolate.

What keeps you awake at night?
Thinking about money and the mistakes I made in the past.

Which famous person is your all-time greatest crush?
Its a toss up between Jeff Bridges and Martin Dingle-Wall.

Ho hum

2009-06-19T09:24:00.003+10:00

This week has been an average week. I hate saying the word 'average'. Every day is a new blessing.

The weather has been pretty crappy so me and Liam have been a bit housebound and haven't managed to get too far. We've been doing lots of things at home together. I've been cooking a bit more and managed to make my first successful risotto.

My mum called me last night and her and dad are making a trip to Sydney at the end of July to stay with us for a week. We are going to go to the Hunter Valley for a weekend as well so I am trying to find a house or cottage for us all to stay in.

I think I have been a bit frustrated this week. Frustrated with money. Frustrated at things not moving forward as quickly as I want them to. Read: impatience on my part. Richard comes home every night and I can tell he is pretty much over the two trains and bus he has to catch to work each day. And in shitty weather.

And don't ask me why...but I have started thinking about Liam's birth and that first month. I haven't thought about it for about 6 months and for some reason its been flooding back into my mind again. About how scared I felt when I was getting stitched up after my c section. How I couldn't stop shaking and wanted to rip every tube out of me. My mum was waiting outside and Richard had taken Liam out to show her. For some reason I couldn't work out why I was alone on an operating table and I couldn't speak. I just felt trapped.

Sometimes I wonder if I am doing everything right. Am I a good mum and a good wife? I look at Liam and I see him smiling and eating and playing and I know he's happy. The way he has enriched our lives has been tenfold. Its such a MASSIVE change that first year I think. On you and your marriage.

I don't think anyone can estimate how much of a life change it is.